The Amorous Adventures of Ayame the Ramen Girl
by Kopykat Kakashi
Summary: 4 tales of love and obsession with IrukaxAyamexKakashi and AyamexIrukaxKakashi. Will a civilian like Ayame be able to find love with a shinobi? Maybe not with Team 7 interference.
1. Table of Contents

**The Misadventures of Ayame the Ramen Girl** (humor/romance)

This is a collection of short stories featuring Ayame (the Ichiraku ramen waitress), Iruka, Kakashi, Team 7, and other Naruto characters.

**Table of Contents:**

**_Two Weeks in the Life of the Ramen Girl_** (complete)

After seeing Kakashi's face, Ayame becomes obsessed with Kakashi and enlists the aid of Sakura to win his heart. Naruto mistakenly assumes she likes Iruka and does some matchmaking of his own.

_**Another Couple of Days in the Life of the Ramen Girl** (complete)_

All of Konoha thinks Ayame is pregnant with Kakashi's baby, will Team 7 come to her rescue or make things worse?

_**Love Potion Number 9.5 **(complete)_

Iruka accidentally drinks a love potion that Sakura meant for Sasuke. He falls for Kakashi! Will true love prevail? But who is his true love?

**Transformation Trouble** _(complete)_

Iruka thinks of proposing to Ayame but wants to be 100 percent sure she's over Kakashi. Naruto suggests a test...


	2. Two Weeks: Days 1 and 2

Author's Notes:

The following story is a comedic love triangle involving the ramen girl from Ichiraku (her name is officially Ayame, I didn't make that up) and Iruka and Kakashi. Iruka and Kakashi know each other about as well as they know the ramen girl, so this should be just as believable as all the Iruka-Kakashi yaoi stories. Before anyone gets upset, I have nothing against yaoi, and I love both Iruka and Kakashi!

Story takes place soon after ep 101. I have the genins as 12 years old, but they're probably 13 already.

Quick summary: After seeing Kakashi's face, Ayame (the Ichiraku Ramen waitress) becomes obsessed with Kakashi and enlists the aid of Sakura to win his heart. Little does she know that Naruto has mistakenly assumed she likes Iruka, and sets into motion a little matchmaking of his own...

**TWO WEEKS IN THE LIFE OF THE RAMEN GIRL**

**PROLOGUE**

_**Ayame's Dilemma**_

Ayame never believed in love at first sight, but that was before last week. That was when she saw Kakashi-sensei's face. She had seen him around before. She always thought he was a bit strange, but in a cool mysterious way. He had interesting hair, and one nice eye, but as everything else was covered up, she thought no more about him. Once in a while he would come by and order ramen to take-out, but he never ate at the stand until then. Since then, she could not get him out of her thoughts. Even her father would comment every so often, "Naruto's sensei sure is something. He's the top Konoha jounin you know. Quite a catch for…anyone." Then his eyes would glaze over and a sigh would pass his lips.

Ayame found herself spacing out at work, over-cooking the ramen, over-seasoning the stock, breaking the dishes. The only one who didn't notice the deterioration in the quality of their food was Naruto, who would eat anything no matter how hot or bland. As she served the steaming hot bowls to the various customers with the white vapor obscuring their faces, she imagined each one to be Kakashi, and imagined he was the one thanking her for her fine service. It was becoming an obsession as she eavesdropped on conversations, hoping someone would mention his name so she could glean the smallest particle of information about this mysterious man.

How could she, a regular civilian girl, get his attention? She was nothing beautiful or classy or mysterious or exciting. Nothing like some of those kunoichi she's seen around the village. Maybe she should wear more fishnet - that seemed to be quite popular. She was pretty enough under her plain robe and kerchief, but no one ever noticed. She hadbeen waiting and hoping Kakashi would come back to the stand, but she hadn't seen him since.

Ayame knew nothing about love strategy. She only had her father, whose advice on love was equating everything to ramen. "Love is like a bowl of ramen. Sometimes it's finished in seconds, sometimes it lasts much longer. Sometimes the noodles are short and sometimes they're nice and long. Some bowls of ramen have lots of variety, with roast pork, seaweed, egg, vegetables, tofu…but some are standard and boring with only one position…er, I mean top... er, I mean condiment…" If only her mother were still around, perhaps she could have given Ayame some real advice about men instead of some half-boiled philosophy based on egg noodles.

Who could she get to be her ally, to help her gain his attention? Forget about Naruto, if he had any idea of her feelings, he would exclaim so loudly that everyone in the village would know in seconds. How could she find out whether Kakashi would be interested? Whether he had someone already? Maybe that girl Naruto likes, the pink hair girl on his team, the one with the funny forehead. What was her name? Something boringly common…Sakura, that was it. Maybe she could enlist her help…

-...-...-...-..-

**DAY 1**

_**Naruto's Ramen**_

Naruto noticed that his ramen had not been as good as usual. In fact, his cup ramen was better! What was going on with Ichiraku? For the past week, the ramen had been downright bad. And that's saying a lot coming from he who would eat mint-bubblegum flavored ramen. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore so he loudly complained, "What's going on here? I pay good hard-earned money for this ramen! It sucks!" (his usual tactful self) But Ayame had her back to him. She was thinking about how luscious Kakashi's lips looked, so she didn't hear him at all.

Her father looked up in surprise from cutting up some daikon. "What's wrong Naruto-kun?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong is your ramen! It's been terrible all week!"

"But you ate it all and didn't complain. In fact, you had several bowls each time. Is this an attempt to get a refund or a free bowl?" he frowned at Naruto suspiciously.

"You try it! I'm not crazy!" Naruto protested.

The old man tentatively took a pair of chopsticks and tried a few strands of noodles. His brow furrowed and he spat out the noodles. He took a small sip of the soup and coughed it out - all over Naruto. He then turned to address his daughter, "What the hell is wrong with you? These noodles are sweet! Ugh, you used sugar instead of salt!"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry dad. I'll use more sugar next time…"

"Sigh, I'm sorry Naruto-kun. It seems that my daughter has fallen in love with your sensei. She's had her head in the clouds. I'll give her a thorough scolding later. Here's a couple of free coupons…"

Naruto assumed he must have meant Iruka-sensei since he was a regular customer. And he could see how a girl could fall for Iruka sensei – he was such a great guy. It never occurred to Naruto that anyone could possibly mean Kakashi-sensei, who was incredibly weird, lazy, perverted…no girl would fall for that.

-...-...-...-

_**Life is Like a Bowl of Ramen**_

"Ayame, what the hell is wrong with you? Thanks to your incompetence, sales have been down 20 this week. Tips have been near nonexistent. Are you trying to ruin us?"

"I'm sorry Dad. It's just been hard to concentrate lately."

"I know how you feel about Kakashi-sensei. I mean, who can blame you. He's really…sigh…if I were…sigh…but if word gets out that our ramen's no good anymore, do you think he's going to come by here ever again?"

That shocked Ayame back to reality. If Kakashi were to think that she couldn't cook, she would have no advantage over any other girl. If he didn't come by the ramen stand anymore, what chance would she have at all? In fact, she must double her efforts to be the best ramen cook in all of Fire Country!

"Dad, you're absolutely right. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? I'm going to be the best ramen cook ever!"

"Well, maybe second next to me. Just remember that life is like a bowl of ramen, it's served steaming hot, but if it sits around too long, it gets cold."

"Umm, I think I missed the analogy there."

"Well, you know, it means…it means that you can't sit on the shelf too long or you'll be an old maid."

"Gee, thanks dad. I'm not that old yet."

"Time goes by fast. If you find someone you like, go for it!"

"Dad, you're absolutely right. That's exactly what I'm going to do starting tomorrow!"

-...-...-...-

**DAY 2**

_**Naruto's Advice**_

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei," Naruto said with a sly look in his foxlike eyes. It was the end of the day and Iruka was getting ready to leave the classroom.

"Hi there Naruto-kun, how's the training going?"

"Oh, forget that!" Naruto was so excited, he wanted to burst out the information, but he also wanted to stretch it out, and make Iruka guess. "I know something you don't."

"Hmmf, I somehow doubt that."

"Yes I do," Naruto insisted. "I know someone who likes you."

"I'm sure lots of people like me. I'm such a great guy."

"No, I mean, like you like you."

"What do you mean? You know I don't speak tween."

"Grrr, I mean I know someone who wants to date you."

"Oh," Iruka blushed, "umm, guy or girl?"

"A girl of course! "

Iruka sighed in relief, "Well, who is it?"

"Guess."

"Just tell me, I don't have time for guessing games."

"Ask me three questions and take a guess."

"Sigh, fine. Is she of legal age?"

"Huh?"

"At least eighteen."

"Hmm, I'm not sure. I think so."

"Okay, is she a kunoichi?"

"Nope."

_Good,_ Iruka thought, _most of them are kind of bitchy. All right one last question._ "Hmm, is it someone I know?"

"Well…what do you mean by know?"

"Do I know her name?"

"I don't know if you know her name."

"Sigh, what's her name?"

"I don't know her name."

"Wait a minute. You're telling me you know a girl who likes me, but you don't know who she is?" Iruka was getting annoyed.

"I know who she is, but I just don't know her name."

"Grrr, just tell me!"

"It's the ramen girl at Ichiraku."

"The ramen girl?"

"Yeah, her dad told me."

"Hmm, well, she is pretty cute. And she's sure a good cook. Well, at least her ramen is good. But…I don't know…"

"What's wrong? Don't you like girls?"

"Sure I do!" His face turned red. "It's just that…I'm pretty busy, I don't know if I have time right now for a girlfriend..."

"That sounds like a fishy excuse! You have time to spend with me right? Just go for it!"

"Girls require a lot more time and effort. I'm not sure how to approach this…"

"Just send her some flowers."

"Yeah, all girls like flowers, right?"

"Unless she's allergic."

"Allergic? Is she allergic?"

"How would I know? Why are you even taking advice from a twelve-year-old…"

-...-...-...-...-

_**Ayame's Alliance**_

Sakura was not a frequent Ichiraku customer as she had a mom who cooked her dinner and packed her lunch. On her day off, Ayame tried to bump into Sakura by scouting out her house. "Hello, Sakura-chan," she said pleasantly when she saw Sakura returning home from training.

Sakura stared at her blankly and managed a weak, "Er, hello…" while inner Sakura was yelling, "_Who the hell are you! Some kind of stalker!"_

Ayame realized she was in her normal clothes, not her ramen stand outfit, so Sakura did not recognize her. "It's me Ayame."

Sakura: "?"

"From Ichiraku."

"Oh! Hello, how are you. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you."

"That's all right. I get quite a lot of that," Ayame said with a smile while thinking, _what good is that big old forehead if you can't use it to recognize someone out of uniform? _"I was wondering if you could help me…" she blushed.

Sakura saw her face turn red and deduced it must be about a guy. She suddenly became interested, then suspicious. _Inner Sakura_: "_It better not involve Sasuke, or I'll help her with a kunai in her gut!" _But she said sweetly, "Sure, if I can. What kind of help do you need?"

"I'm afraid that ever since last week…I've had a crush on…" she hesitated and blushed several shades darker.

_Last week? It better not be Sasuke! Would Sasuke go for an older woman? She does have a better figure than I do. Inner Sakura: "I'll kill her first!" _Sakura:"Yes? Go on."

"I'm in love with Kakashi-sensei!" Ayame blurted out.

Sakura thought_, Hey that's right. She got to see Kakashi-sensei's face. Damn, and we didn't! _"So what does Kakashi-sensei look like? We didn't get to see him without his mask."

Ayame gushed, "He has the most perfect nose. Not too long or short or narrow or broad. It gives him a perfect profile. The tip is slightly pointy, but not sharp. His mouth is perfectly shaped in a slight smile. His lips are sensuous but not too full. His teeth are white and perfectly aligned. His chin is not too strong or weak and gives him such a distinguished air. His whole face has such character. He's absolutely perfect! Sigh…"

Sakura thought, _Geez, she's got it bad, it's sickening the way she's gushing over him. Wait, I don't do that, do I? _"All right, I'll help you on one condition."

Ayame, "Anything!"

Sakura, "You have to help me get a look at his face!"

-...-...-...-


	3. Two Weeks: Days 3 to 5

**DAY 3**

_**Kakashi's Mistake**_

Sakura found Kakashi sitting by the riverbank reading a book with a banned symbol on the back. _Does that ramen girl know what kind of books he reads? Hey, whatever, to each her own._

"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei."

"Oh, hello there Sakura-chan. Umm, we don't have training scheduled for today, do we?"

_Inner Sakura: "You should know you lazy idiot!" _Sakura: "No, I was just taking a walk. I saw you here, so I just wanted to say hi."

"Oh, okay," Kakashi went back to his book.

_So much for a meaningful conversation, let's try this again. _"Umm, Kakashi sensei, I was wondering…"

"Hmm?"

"Well, when you were in the hospital…I'm sorry I didn't visit you as much as I should have. Was there someone who visited you regularly?"

"Yeah, the nurse, and the doctor."

"No, I mean was there someone special who visited you?"

"No medical specialist until Tsunade-sama arrived."

"Grrr, no I mean, is there someone special in your life?" Sakura blushed.

"Oh." Kakashi saw her blushing and thought, _Well, these things happen. If it weren't for her Sasuke obsession, it probably would have happened a long time ago. After all, I am really cool, though maybe not quite as cool as Sasuke, but I could have whooped his butt at the same age. _He hesitated before he answered. _I'll have to let her down delicately. _"Don't you think you're a bit young for me Sakura-chan? I mean, I know I read these books, but they only involve consenting adults."

"What! You think… I…! Ewwww!" _Inner Saukra:_ "_No way old man!_ _This is sooo not worth the humiliation! I don't care if I never see his face! Forget it!" _Sakura ran off in a huff.

Kakashi thought,_That was kind of strange. I wonder what's going on…_

_-...-...-...-_

_**Ayame's Plea**_

Sakura found Ayame taking inventory at the ramen stand before the lunch hour rush.

"I found out for you that Kakashi sensei is unattached. The rest of it is up to you," Sakura said abruptly.

"What do you mean? That's it? You're not helping me anymore? Can't you find out if he likes me at all?" Ayame was near hysterical.

"Uh, things got a bit a complicated." _Inner Sakura: "No more humiliation! Go find out yourself you pathetic wimp!"_

"Please Sakura-chan. Please just find out if he's the least bit interested in me. I promise I'll get you a look at his face. Plus a ramen coupon!"

_Inner Sakura: "Like hell! It's not worth it!" _Sakura: "Uh, oh, all right. I'll try again. But it better be a good look!" Sakura thought, _I'm such a sucker for romance. Sigh, if only I could get Sasuke to like me. Well, if I can get these two together…I'll just have to live vicariously._

_-...-...-...-...-_

_**Sakura's Advice**_

Kakashi heard someone approaching and looked up from his book. "Sakura-chan, I'm sorry about earlier. Ha-ha, my mistake."

Sakura thought, _he hasn't budged in like three hours. What the hell does he do all day when we're not training? _

"Uh, Kakashi-sensei, what I meant to say earlier is that I know someone who likes you." _Why beat around the bush, mind as well just tell him. That way he won't make the same mistake again._

"I'm sure lots of people like me. I'm such a cool guy."

"No, I mean, like you like you."

"Huh? You pre-adolescents sure have a peculiar way of speaking."

"Grrr, I mean I know someone who wants to date you."

"Oh really? Hmm, guy or girl?"

"A girl of course! "

Kakashi sighed in relief, "Well, who is it?"

Sakura realized she had forgotten her name. "Uh…her name is…you know her …she's the ramen girl at Ichiraku."

"Hmm, well she does make good ramen, and she is pretty cute...but…"

"What's wrong? Don't you like girls?"

"Hmm? Of course, it's just that… women require a lot of time and effort. I don't know if I have time right now..."

"You've been sitting and reading here at the same spot for hours! You mean you're just too lazy to pursue her."

"Well…" he shrugged.

"Why don't you send her some flowers to show you're interested. That takes minimal time and effort."

"I'll think about it…"

-...-...-...-

_**Flowers**_

During his lunch hour, Iruka slipped away from the academy to pay a visit to the flower shop. He found Ino behind the counter.

"Hello, Ino-chan, you're minding the shop today?"

"Good afternoon Iruka-sensei. I'm just here for a little while. My mom had to run some errands. If you need any help, please ask."

"I'd like to buy some flowers…" Iruka blushed.

"Yeah, that's why you're in a flower shop, can you be more specific? Who is it for?"

"It's for this girl…" Iruka turned redder.

"Well, I sure hope so. You wouldn't send flowers to a guy, would you?"

"No, well, maybe, but I want to send some flowers to the ramen girl at Ichiraku."

"Okay, what kind and how many?"

"I don't know, that's where I need help."

"You should have said that in the first place," Ino said impatiently. "All right, tell me about her. What's her favorite flower, favorite color, favorite scent…"

"I really don't know anything about her."

"Just send her a dozen long stem red roses. A guy can never go wrong with that." _Plus it's the most expensive item here. Mom will be pleased! _"What about her name? How should I address the card?"

"The card?"

"Yeah, you know "To so and so, from so and so…"

"Oh, that would be a problem. I don't know her name."

"Do you know if she likes you?"

"Yes, Naruto told me that her dad told him that she told him that she's in love with me."

"Perfect! Then you don't need a card. She'll naturally assume it's from you. Plus the added mystery of a possible secret admirer will make an even better impression! Sigh, how romantic."

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, I'm a woman, I know these things."

"But you're twelve years old. Should I be taking advice from a twelve year old?"

"Of course! By the way, we have a special package plan…"

-...-...-...-

After her second meeting with Kakashi, Sakura returned to the ramen stand to inform Ayame of the current status of the Kakashi-sensei mission.

Ayame interrogated, "So? So? What did he say? What did you tell him? You didn't tell him I was in love with him did you? I'd die of embarrassment!"

"Of course not! I just told him that if he's unattached, and if he's looking for someone, that I happened to know that you were available. And if he's interested, I suggested he send you some flowers."

"Hmm," Ayame thought it over, "that's good, very good. It doesn't make me look desperate and the ball is in his court. You are indeed really clever, just like Naruto-kun says. Thanks so much Sakura-chan!"

"Hey, no problem, just remember your promise."

"Huh? Promise? Oh, here's the the ramen coupon."

"Hey! I meant his face!" Sakura said angrily as she grabbed the coupon.

"Oh, yes, of course! I'll be in touch," Ayame said excitedly.

Later that day Ayame received a dozen long stem roses with no note. She naturally assumed they were from Kakashi. _"Wow, he sure went all out! These are expensive. What a great guy!"_

_-...-...-...-...-_

**DAY 4**

_**Good Business**_

Ayame was on cloud nine! Maybe even cloud 9.5! Her ramen was surpassing all human effort! Service with an extra broad smile and a twinkle in her eyes. The customers now noticed that she was quite pretty. Each male customer thought she was flirting with him, that she was treating him special. She gave each customer extra noodles! extra toppings! extra condiments! But her father was not pleased.

"Ayame, what are you doing? You're cutting into the profits. Why are you giving everyone extra noodles, extra toppings and extra condiments? I'll have to raise the prices now."

"But, we're getting more customers now, aren't we? They're coming back for dinner. It's a better value for the price."

"Well, that's true. Hmm, I'll have to crunch some numbers to evaluate our profit margin. You know, running a business is like a bowl of ramen. If it's an extra big bowl, you'll have food left over."

"I don't get it."

"You know…it means…it means…it's like the law of diminishing returns, you know."

"No."

"Sigh, the food that is left over is wasted and it cuts into the profits."

"Dad, I also bought a special heating apparatus with a thermal indicator."

"A what?"

"A new pot and a thermometer."

"What for?"

"I've been thinking, that in order to make the perfect bowl of noodles, I'll start with the serving temperature. If we keep the stock at slightly above body temperature, it should be not too hot, more than warm, the perfect temperature to drink. This pots heats more evenly and the thermometer will monitor the temperature."

"You've been really thinking about this haven't you?"

"I'm seriously serious. Now about the size of the vegetables…"

-...-...-...-...-

_**Naruto's Observations**_

_Wow, ever since Iruka-sensei sent her those flowers, the ramen at Ichiraku has been amazing!_ Naruto thought excitedly as he finished his ninth bowl. Iruka had been too embarrassed to join him at Ichiraku lately, but that should change soon. When the ramen girl found out that he, the great Naruto, was responsible for getting the two of them together, why it could mean free ramen for life! That thought excited him more than learning the rasengan!

"Hey, hey, miss, how about another bowl?"

"Another Naruto-kun? Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Maybe, but I'm not bursting yet. I have to say your ramen is better than ever!"

"Do you really think so, Naruto-kun?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I'm trying to be the best ramen chef in all of Fire Country. Say, why hasn't your sensei been around?" Ayame blushed.

"Oh, well, he's been busy, but I'm sure you'll be seeing him soon," Naruto said while in between gulping down huge chopsticksful of noodles.

-...-...-...-...-

_**Iruka's Dilemma**_

Iruka had been purposely avoiding the ramen stand. He was having his self-packed lunch at his desk where Naruto tracked him down.

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei, how's it going with the ramen girl?"

"Well, I sent her flowers yesterday and I signed up for a package plan so she'll get more flowers today and tomorrow."

"That's it?"

"Well, yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"What about a date?"

"I'm working up to it. Don't worry, I have a plan."

"Tell me, tell me!"

"For the third bouquet I'll include a note asking her out for a movie and then a late dinner or drinks."

"How…boring."

"You think so?" asks Iruka suddenly concerned.

-...-

_Ino: "Now after the third bouquet, you should include a note asking her out to a movie and then dinner." _

_Iruka: "You mean dinner and a movie." _

_Ino: "No, no! Why go out for dinner and then a movie? It makes more sense to go to a movie and then dinner. That way you'll definitely have something to talk about during dinner or drinks..."_

_-...-_

"You're a shinobi. Do something exciting with her. That's what she'll expect!"

"Something exciting? Hmm…like what?"

"Lets see…tree climbing? Mountain climbing? Bungee jumping? Take her on a mission to show off your skills! You can show her the sexy-no-jutsu-guy style! Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, that's it!"

"Grrrr…I don't think that's a good idea! Besides, no civilians allowed on missions."

"Oh, well, what movie do you plan to see?"

"Sigh, good question." He took out the newspaper, folded it back to the movie listings and looked at choices available. _Hmm, if I take her to see 'Make-Out Violence' what would she think of me? No, not that one. No rated G stuff, she'd think I'm a wimp. Ok, then PG or PG-13. But PG-13 might have some bad language or sexual innuendo. Can't have that, it might make her uncomfortable. Okay, is there a PG family flick? _"I think I'll take her to this one …"

-...-...-...-

**DAY 5**

_**Ayame's New Dilemma**_

More roses arrive. This time there was a note attached asking her to meet tomorrow for a movie at 9:30PM and a late bite to eat. The stand officially closed at 9PM.

_How considerate, he knows my schedule! I can get off a bit earlier to change. Dad can close up. But what should I wear? _she thought frantically. _Fishnet, what do I have in fishnet. Just one lousy pair of stockings. Okay, what else can I wear? Bandages? Some kunoichi wear bandages around their bodies, but that looks so uncomfortable, and what if, what if things get intimate, it would take forever to unwrap them! Okay, no bandages._ _Okay, fishnet stockings have to be worn with a dress or a skirt. Hmm, skirt and blouse is_ _a bit less formal. Easier to take on and off too._..

Sakura dropped by to see if there's been any progress.

"Look, look Sakura-chan, he's asked me out on a date for tomorrow."

"Hey, that's really great! Where you guys going?"

Ayame suddenly recalled the promise she made to Sakura. _Well, it's the first date, Ican't have Sakura tag along yet. Sometime later, maybe the third date. Sakura won't mind waiting a while longer._ "I'm not sure yet. I'm supposed to meet him somewhere… I'll let you know," Ayame said evasively. "Sakura-chan what kind of girl does Kakashi sensei usually like? I mean what should I wear?"

"Well," Sakura thoughr about the books Kakashi was always reading, "He likes girls who are forward with their feelings, tough assertive types who know what they want."

"I see…like a kunoichi?"

"Well, yeah, I guess so…"

Ayame analyzed every piece of her wardrobe and undergarments until she made her final decision - she needed to go shopping! She had less than 2 hours tomorrow morning before the ramen stand opened.

-...-...-...-


	4. Two Weeks: Days 6 to 7

**DAY 6**

_**Shopping**_

Most of the stores didn't open until past 9AM and Ayame had to be at the ramen stand by 11AM. So hard to be a working girl, she had been working with her dad at the ramen stand ever since she could remember. It was practically all she knew.

She looked in the storewindows and decided on a little boutique that looked quite hip. After waiting for 30 minutes, a young man with hair funkier than Kakashi's, and in a weird assortment of colors, came to open shop. He looked at Ayame and smiled. "Our first customer of the day! What a lovely way to start. Anything I can help with, just ask pretty lady." He gave her a wink, but somehow Ayame felt he was not interested in women.

"I'm looking for something…exciting. You know, kunoichi-like."

"Ahh, yes, the kunoichi look. That's the newest, coolest fashion fad."

"Really? Then you have fishnet and bandages?"

"In any style you want sweetie." He showed her an assortment of products: a tube top to mimic bandages coupled with a loose fishnet top, shorts that looked like layers of bandages, gloves and socks sewn to look like bandages, some with blood splatters to look even more authentic.

"Hmm…the blood looks a bit tacky, but I'll taken the bandage tube top and the fishnet blouse." She looked around the store at some odd accessories – collars with studs, leather shirts with chains, some items she could not identify, and then settled on a leather mini-skirt.

-...-...-...-

_**The Date**_

Ayame felt uncomfortable - the fishnet stockings cut into her legs and she could feel welts rising and rashes forming. But she could bear anything for Kakashi! The leather skirt was so form fitting she could barely move and she could barely walk in her high heel sandals. The bandage tube top bound her chest so tightly she could barely breathe. But she could bear anything for Kakashi! Ayame had shoulder length brown hair but it was usually tied up in a kerchief. Now she had it long and loose and slightly moussed up in the front.

When she arrived at the movie theater she looked around but only recognized Iruka-sensei standing there with a bunch of assorted flowers, blushing and looking very uncomfortable. He was dressed in his usual attire since he had a late day at the office. She smiled at him and said "Hello, Iruka-sensei," while her eyes continued to search for Kakashi.

Iruka practically shoved the flowers at her saying, "Uh, these are for you."

"For me?"

"Yes. I thought they'd be a nice change from the roses."

_The roses…oh crap! He was her secret admirer, not Kakashi!_ She felt like jumping into a cold well inhabited by a corpse with telekinetic powers. But Ayame was a practical girl. _Well, it would be impolite to just leave now. I mind as well go through with this date. It's a free movie at least._ _And Iruka-sensei is a nice enough guy. Should lose that geeky ponytail though…sooo not cool._

Iruka bought the tickets, and offerred to get popcorn and soda but Ayame declined_. I have to watch my figure for Kakashi,_ she thought. Iruka held open the doors, let her in first, and waited until she was seated, a perfect gentleman. The movie was just starting.

About 30 minutes in, Iruka thought about placing his arm around her shoulders, but he looked behind him first to ensure that he wouldn't be interfering with someone's view (because he's such a great guy). He noticed a crown of spikey yellow hair trying to hide in the back seats, and realized he's been followed!

"Er, excuse me, I need to…buy some candy. Would you like anything?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I'm fine." All Ayame could think about was, _why isn't it Kakashi? Stupid stupid Sakura, it's all her fault!_

Iruka grabbed Naruto on his way out of the theater. "What do you think you're doing? Quit following me!"

"I just wanted to see if you needed any help."

"I don't need help from a 12 year old!"

"Hey, that's gratitude for you! Who do you think got the two of you together?"

Iruka calmed down and gave Naruto an appreciative smile. "Thanks, Naruto. But it's just the first date. How about some privacy?"

"I already paid for the movie ticket!"

"Fine, I'll reimburse you later. Now if you don't mind…" Iruka gave him a scowl then returned to his seat.

Ayame looked at him and asked, "So where's the candy? I'd like some, too."

"Huh? Candy? Oh, I…uh…went to the men's room instead. I'll get some now. Anything in particular?"

"Hmm, just a plain chocolate bar." _Sigh, I really need some chocolate! It's supposed to be equivalent to sex in terms of releasing endorphins or serotonin or something like that. (_Ayame had recently read an article in her "Ramen and Sake Magazine.")

Iruka got up again and headed toward the back of the theater when he saw a pretty blond girl with ponytails and… whiskers! "Naruto!" Iruka whispered harshly, "get of here or I'll…"

After the movie, Iruka tried to engage Ayame in conversation discussing the plausibility of henge using a polymorphic potion instead of chakra seals. It was a silly movie about kids in magic school, but it had some decent special effects. Ayame smiled and nodded, but not being a shinobi, she had no clue of the parallels between the fantasy magic movie elements and real life shinobi seals.

Iruka brought Ayame to a bar, but a nice one that served sake in respectable and clean cups. Ayame was silent throughout most of their time together (thinking about Kakashi) so Iruka felt the need to compensate. _She's so shy, how adorable, _he thought. He tried telling her jokes and amusing anecdotes.

"…so how many ANBU do you need to screw in a lightbulb?"

She shrugged, disinterestedly.

"Two, one to screw it in and another dead one to climb on." _Oh, that was not a good one. _"How many Kages do you need to screw in a lightbulb…"

Ayame thought,_ I need to somehow gear the conversation to find out more about Kakashi._ She smiled and pretended to laugh at Iruka's punchline even though she had no idea what he just said.

"So you and Naruto are pretty close?"

"Oh, yes, he's like a… son to me." _This way she'll know I'm a family guy._

"Are you close to any of your other students? I mean, you have so many. Do senseis become attached to their students?"

"Well, we're not supposed to have favorites, but Naruto is special because I'm an orphan like him."

"You are?"

"Yes, my parents were killed fighting against the fox demon twelve years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." _Poor guy, but I need to get back on track._

"So is Naruto close to his other sensei…Kakashi-sensei…isn't it?"

"Oh, Kakashi? Not really. Naruto is always complaining about how Kakashi-sensei ignores him and favors his rival Sasuke.

"I'm sure he's fond of Naruto, too."

"Yes, but he's the type who's too cool to show it." _Who cares about Kakashi anyway? Arrogant bastard._

"So he's a jounin and you're a chuunin?"

_Great just stab me in the back and pierce my heart while you're at it_. "Yes, but I'm trying to make jounin. Should be soon."

"What's the difference?"

"Jounin are usually assigned more dangerous missions, but chuunin missions often develop into missions just as dangerous," Iruka explained a bit defensively. "But enough about me, what about you? Have you always helped your dad at the ramen stand?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, ever since I can remember…" _So Kakashi goes on lots of dangerous missions. How exciting! Yet worrisome, what if something happens to him?_

"Are you happy running a ramen stand? Not that there's anything wrong with it. But I always try to encourage my students to do their best and achieve their dreams. Like Naruto wants to be Hokage."

"Well, currently I'm trying to be the best ramen cook in all of Fire Country."

"Oh, I guess that's a worthy ambition." _She's quite a simple girl isn't she, but I like that. _"So are you busy tomorrow? I hear there's a fair at Otafuku (_the lodging village 10km from Konoha_). It's mainly for tourists but it could be fun. We can catch a wagon just outside Konoha."

"Oh, I don't know. I'll have to think about it. I usually work during the day even when there are no customers. We have to do a lot of food preparation. Plus we make our noodles from scratch," she said proudly. "But maybe after the lunch rush," she added when she saw the sad puppy dog look of disappointment in his eyes.

"Okay, I'll drop by for lunch and you can give me your answer then. Maybe we can go after that and make it back before the dinner rush hour."

"Yes, okay we'll see…"

Another date with Iruka? Could she bear it? He's nice enough but…he's not Kakashi!

-...-...-...-

**DAY 7**

_**Ayame's Complaint**_

Ayame was confused and depressed. The pound of chocolate she ate this morning hadn't helped at all. She saw Sakura on her way to do some training (_author's note:_ _that is unbelievable_) and called her over.

"Sakura! Sakura! What did you do?"

"Me? What are you talking about? What's going on with Kakashi-sensei?"

"Nothing's going on! Nothing at all! That's the problem."

"What about those roses and the note?"

"They're from Iruka-sensei."

"Iruka-sensei? He's a great guy, why don't you go for him instead?"

"No, no! I want Kakashi! You have to help me!"

"I already did."

"But I haven't seen or heard from him. I thought the roses were from him but they're not. What am I going to do? Iruka-sensei asked me out again, but I'm not interested."

"Wait a sec, I have a plan. Why don't you go out with Iruka-sensei again, and I'll tell Kakashi-sensei about it to make him jealous, to light a fire under his feet."

"Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. You don't think it will backfire do you?"

"Well, I'll tell Kakashi-sensei that I think you prefer him to Iruka-sensei."

"Hmm, that sounds good. Doesn't make me look desperate, and the ball is in his court. You sure are clever Sakura-chan!"

Sakura found Kakashi at one of his favorite haunts, Pink Bookstore. She waited outside until he came out as it would be inappropriate for someone her age to enter such an establishment.

"Good morning Kakashi-sensei."

"Good morning Sakura-chan. Uh, did I miss a training session this morning?"

"No, I just needed to tell you something." _Inner Sakura: Get yourself a damn appointment book! And a watch! _"I hear Iruka-sensei is interested in the ramen girl. You'll miss your opportunity if you don't do something."

"Oh, really?"

"Stop acting so cool! Do something! Aren't you interested?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"You do like girls don't you?"

He shrugged again.

"Well, don't you want a nice cozy home and someone to come home to after a long mission who will draw your bath, give you a massage, serve your food…" Sakura started to think of herself and Sasuke and drifted off. In her daydream, Sasuke suddenly turned to her and scowled, saying "_the bath is cold, your hands are cold, and the food is cold_." Sakura frowned and came back to reality. "Anyway, I heard Iruka-sensei asked her out but she hasn't given him an answer. If you hurry, you can get a date with her instead. She really likes you."

"Well, I'll think about it…"

-...-...-...-...-

_**Date 2**_

Iruka sat down at the ramen stand. It was his day off but he was still wearing his shinobi clothes because he thought they made him look more impressive. Ayame was in the back cooking, or rather fussing with the heat to achieve the perfect temperature, while her father took the orders.

'"What will you have today Iruka-sensei?" He gave Iruka an appraising look and thought, _He's no Kakashi, but he's nice enough. And he does put up with that brat Naruto._

"Umm, roast pork ramen please," Iruka said while looking down at the menu, even though he had it memorized, since he was too embarrassed to meet his eyes. _I wonder what she told her dad. I wonder if she had a good time_. Iruka thought back to the previous night. He had walked her home in silence. He was trying to think of how to end the night, how to say good-bye. Should he attempt a kiss on the cheek? Anything more would be inappropriate for a first date. But her father was by the door waiting, so he just bowed and said good-bye to them both.

_Ayame sure seems like a nice girl, but why the weird clothes? She's also a bit spacey, but in a cute way._ _I sure hope she decides to go out with me again. I think I was pretty impressive with my intelligent critique of the movie._

Naruto suddenly appeared on the seat next to him, shaking him awake from his reveries.

"Miso ramen today!" Naruto yelled at the ramen guy. "Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto then dropped his voice to an uncharacteristic low whisper. "So how did it go?"

Iruka scowled and whispered harshly back, "You should know, I saw you in the sake house. Your henge is improving, but you still can't fool me. You know underage drinking is forbidden."

"Hey, I only ordered tea. Besides, I couldn't hear anything. I still haven't learned to read lips," he said with a frown.

"Well, there's nothing to tell anyway. I asked her out again and I'm here to wait for her answer."

"Really? What do you plan to do next?"

"None of your business."

"Come on, come on, pleeeease tell me, please!"

"I'll tell you after the date. I don't want you following us again…"

Naruto was finally quiet as their steaming bowls of ramen, fragrant with cilantro, were served. "Have you had the ramen here lately?" Naruto asked as he dove into his bowl enthusiastically.

"Actually, this is the first time in a week."

"Well, ever since you sent her flowers, it's been awesome!"

Iruka took a sip of the soup, then a bite of the noodles. _Naruto's right, there's something different about it. The soup is more flavorful, has more substance. The noodles have been cooked to perfection. Each strand is separate and exactly the right texture. It's…it's just…amazing!_

Ayame measured the exact amount of water, added in the exact amount of salt, brought the water to a boil, and added in the exact amount of peanut oil, then the noodles. She timed the cooking to the second, lifted and drained the noodles in a colander, rinsed the noodles with cold water, and finally added in a bit of sesame oil to prevent the noodles from sticking and to give them a bit of flavor. Then she placed the noodles in a bowl, added the appropriate stock, then the toppings and condiments. Perfect!

Naruto finally left after another five bowls. Iruka waited for an opportunity after the lunch rush to ask Ayame about their date.

"So…uh…do you think you can get off for a few hours this afternoon?"

"Sure, dad can handle it from here," she gave him a slight smile, "just give me a chance to change."

"All right, should I wait here?"

"Yeah, I'll be back in a flash."

_I wonder if she's going to wear those strange clothes again…_

To Iruka's relief, Ayame returned wearing a normal plain blue dress.

"That's a nice dress. You look very pretty in that," Iruka said, blushing a bit.

"This old thing? I guess it's one of my favorites. Oh, I need to be back in time for the evening dinner rush hour." Not really, her dad could probably handle it, but she wanted a short date, after all, _he's not Kakashi!_

Iruka and Ayame walked out the tall gates of Konoha toward the main road to catch the wagon to the lodging village. But before they get to the main road, two sound ninjas appeared!

_Sound-nins!_ Iruka thought frantically, _is Orochimaru back again? Crap, I'm done for! I'm just an academy teacher! At least Ayame is in civilian clothes. If she were dressed like yesterday, they'd think she's a kunoichi (or a call girl) and go after her too. I've got to protect her…while hopefully not getting killed myself!_

"Get down!" Iruka ordered in a commanding voice. He took out his shurikens and kunais to confront the attackers. The sound-nins threw a volley of shurikens, but Iruka used kawarimi then jumped down from a tree to take one out…but it was a kage bunshin! _Anyone who is capable of that technique would normally be a jounin and I should have been wasted already. Something fishy is going on_. "Naruto!" Iruka whispered harshly. "I know it's you, come out now!"

Naruto appeared from behind another tree. "Hey, what you're mad about? I'm just trying to help you impress the ramen girl by showing off your ninja skills."

"Stop following me! If I catch you again…I'll…I'll…I'll tell them not to serve you any more ramen!" (An empty threat since Naruto was their best customer, but it's all he could think of in his anger.) But that threat got through Naruto's thick head and he finally left them in peace.

"What's going on? Was that Naruto I just saw? Where are the attackers?" asked Ayame confused by all the action.

"Oh, it was just Naruto playing a prank on me, ha-ha." _I'll get back at him later, that brat!_

"Oh, did you tell him about our date?" she frowned. _If Naruto knows, then the whole village will know, and then maybe Kakashi will think I'm serious about Iruka._

"Actually, he's the one who encouraged me to ask you out."

"Naruto? But why?"

"He told me that your dad told him that you…were interested…" Iruka turned red again.

Ayame thought furiously,_ Oh crap! Now I understand. That Naruto! What an idiot! Dad too! If they cost me my chance with Kakashi, I'll…I'll…I'll dump my perfect boiling miso soup in their laps!_

At the fair, Iruka won some prizes from darts (despite their inferior quality and poor balance, rigged to prevent normal people from winning), which he presented to Ayame with a bow and great flourish. She smiled politely and thanked him. He offered to buy her various treats available from an assortment of vendors, but she declined. _I can't have him spending any more money on me_, she thought guiltily while looking around hoping Kakashi would magically appear. Iruka meanwhile was also looking around for signs of Naruto. Needless to say, conversation was limited as both parties were distracted, one by obsession, the other by paranoia.

On the way back, Iruka was afraid to make any romantic overtures as he was still concerned about Naruto's possible presence. Ayame was still wondering why Kakashi had not been around and whether Sakura did anything to help her at all. Iruka walked her back to the stand where her father was busy with several customers. Ayame quickly excused herself to put on her serving robes and left before Iruka could say good-night and before he could ask her out again_. This is not going so well, _Iruka sighed. _I'll have to see Ino for some more romance tips. I know she's only 12 but since I hang out with kids all day long I feel a lot more comfortable speaking to her than my peers. Is that weird or what?_

After the date with Iruka, Ayame returned to the ramen stand and performsed her duties mechanically. Back home, Ayame was depressed. There still had been no sign of Kakashi.

Her father said_ (not to cheer her up or anything, he just liked spouting ramen philosophy_), "Unrequited love is like a bowl of noodles."

"Don't you mean ramen noodles?" she said tiredly.

"You see, you want ramen noodles, but instead you get udon or soba. Udon is shorter but nice and thick, while soba…"

"Argh! Stop it! No more noodle analogies!" screamed Ayame hysterically - she ran to her room in tears.

Her father knocked softly on the door. He opened it even though she didn't answer. "Don't worry Ayame-chan, Kakashi-sensei should be by the stand soon. Based on his habitually pattern, he gets ramen about once every two weeks.

Ayame stopped moping and saw a ray of hope. "Are you sure? How do you know?"

"Oh, uh…I remember stuff like that. You know, the eating habits of our regular customers. It's good for business…yeah that's it."

-...-...-...-...-


	5. Two Weeks: Days 8 to 10

**DAY 8**

_**Iruka Gets Dumped**_

Iruka contemplated dropping by the ramen stand after work to see Ayame. _Hmm, we've been out the past couple of days. Maybe I should give her some space. But if don't drop by to say hi, maybe she'll think I'm not interested. But if I do drop by, I might be pressuring her. I think I'll drop by to see Ino first…_

"Hello, Ino-chan."

"Ah, Iruka-sensei. How nice to see you…more flowers? Your package plan has expired you know."

"Yeah, well, I was wondering if I'm overdoing it. You know, too much pressure."

"Pressure? Sending flowers is pressure? Please! Woman love getting flowers! It doesn't matter who they're from."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means…it means if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way to a woman's heart is lots, lots more flowers!" _Mom's going to be proud of my sales pitch!_

"Sigh, well, I sent her all those flowers, but I don't think it's going well. We've been out twice in the past two days. I'm wondering if I should drop by the ramen stand today or give her some space."

"Of course you should go see her! It's not like you're stalking her or something. Women don't want men to play hard to get. They want men to worship them! Trust me. Now if you think another bouquet is overwhelming, I suggest a single perfect rose…"

-...-...-...-...-

Earlier that morning, Sakura dropped by the ramen stand to inquire whether there had been any progress.

"So how's it going with Kakashi-sensei?"

"Sigh, it turned out that Naruto-kun thought I was interested in Iruka-sensei. But there's still no sign of Kakashi-sensei at all. Is he on a mission?" Ayame asked hopefully.

"No, he's been around." Sakura thought about the situation and added, "Just give it up. It's obvious that he's not interested. You don't want to cling to someone who doesn't want you. I mean, how pathetic is that?"

_Take a look in the mirror, barnacle girl! _But Ayame said defiantly, "He just doesn't know yet that he wants me. I'm determined and I can do anything with determination. Taste how great my ramen is now…"

Ayame had been thinking things over and decided that it just wasn't fair to lead Iruka on. There was still no sign of Kakashi. But she was determined, and with determination she could accomplish anything – even get a date with Kakashi!

So as soon as Ayame saw Iruka walking toward the ramen stand, she took a deep breath and even before he greeted her, she said quickly, "I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding?"

"Yes, you're a great guy and all, but…I'm in love with someone else."

"Someone else?" He was so stunned that all he could do was repeat her words.

"I'm in love with Kakashi-sensei."

"What!"

"I think Naruto-kun must have misunderstood my father."

"I see," he said slowly. _Naruto I'm going to kill you. I don't care if you have a legendary fox demon within you. There must be a way. Poison, poison should work. I just need to get some arsenic or cyanide or strychnine or ricin or digitalis or all of them…and put it in your ramen! Sigh, but I can't blame Ayame for falling for Kakashi. He is really cool. _"Well, I hope things work out for you. At least we had some fun, right?_" I can't believe how much I spent on those stupid roses! Good thing I didn't let Ino sucker me again._

"But just remember that wanting something and having it are two different things," Iruka said wisely.

"Umm, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll find out." _I'm not sure, but I need to say something cool and save face._

"So, umm…what do you know about Kakashi-sensei?"

_I can't believe how she's trying to use me…but I'll help her since I'm such a great guy. _"Well, not much really, he's not terribly social. He's only a year or so older than I am, but we grew up in different circles, so I don't really know him personally. Let's see, he became a chuunin at 6 (_he sooo likes to remind people of that fact_). Naruto's is his first genin team. He flunked all the previous teams because they failed his test, which was rigged for failure. Umm, he's known as the copy-nin because of his sharingan…"

"His sharingan?"

"Yeah, the eye he has covered up. It allows him to copy his opponent's technique. He's copied over 1000 jutsus _(he sooo likes to remind people of that fact_). Umm, that's about all I know really." _He's also an arrogant bastard who likes to read perverted books, but you'll find all that out soon enough._

"Thank you Iruka-sensei, you're such a great guy! The ramen's on the house today!"

-...-...-...-

_**Kakashi Orders Ramen**_

It was late and Ayame was manning the stand by herself, cleaning up, while her father was in the back. The ramen stand was just about to officially close when Kakashi dropped by.

"Good evening Kakashi-sensei!" Ayame said with her most pleasant smile.

"I think I'll have the House Special ramen for take-out please," Kakashirequested while still trying to read his book by moonlight and now by the lights over the counter.

Ayame was completely flustered since they had run out of the official House Special ingredients, the soup was now cold, and the noodles had been sitting out for hours. How can she prepare her perfect ramen now? But she was determined!

"Yes, please have a seat Kakashi-sensei," she said while running to the back. Ayami saw her dad just about to sit down, finally, for his late dinner. She grabbed the bowl from under his chopsticks and threw in whatever toppings remained (House Special usually means leftovers anyway). Her father came out front, saw Kakashi, and immediately deduced why his daughter was behaving erractically.

"Here you go Kakashi-sensei. I hope you like it. I've greatly improved my cooking this past week."

"Umm, I ordered it to take-out."

"Oh, well it's such a beautiful night, why don't you eat here."

"Aren't you about to close up?"

"Oh, no, it's fine." She was dying to see his face again!

"Well, it's late, I really should be going. Please wrap it up for me to go."

Ayame tried to think of another argument, but couldn't, so she poured his bowl into a take-out container. She threw in some extra condiments and utensils into the bag_. Is this all he's here for? Just ramen? Not to ask me out? _

"Here you go Kakashi-sensei," she said smiling and trying to make eye contact.

Kakashi hardly looked at her as he took the bag, gave her the exact payment and continued to read his book.

Ayame watched Kakashi walk away. A sudden desperate madness overtook her and she started to follow him.

"Where are you going?" her father asked.

"I'm going to find out where he lives."

"You're really losing it. Maybe you should just go for Iruka-sensei. He's not Kakashi, but…sigh…guys that cool are usually trouble."

"I don't care. I have to have him!" Ayame hurried to catch up.

-...-...-...-

**DAY 9**

_**Ayame Takes Charge**_

Ayame had barely slept at all. _Why? Why hasn't Kakashi asked me out?_ _Sakura said he's free. Unless…unless he doesn't like women…but that's impossible!_ But after a night of analysis, Ayame realized she had been handling it all wrong_. He likes assertive, aggressive women. That means I have to ask him out!_

It was just beginning to dawn. The sun rose into the sky like a poached egg rising to the soup's surface. _I don't know much about being a shinobi, but I'm determined to find him and ask him out!_ Ayame had the day off so she made her way to Kakashi's abode. Last night she followed him home at a distance, but was too shy to say anything, so she just watched as he entered the building and then returned home.

His light was still off. She waited for a couple of hours before she saw him exit the building. _I'm not ready yet. I need to get up my courage first. I'll just follow him for a while._

Kakashi walked slowly while reading his book. Somehow he managed to avoid bumping into anything. Ayame followed him but kept out of sight. Kakashi made his way to the shinobi memorial. He just stood there, apparently thinking, for over an hour. Ayame patiently waited behind a tree. _How…honorable…and sentimental, _she thought.

Kakashi finally moved, this time quickly since he was apparently late for something. Ayame couldn't keep up but she followed him in the general direction of the training grounds. She came upon his team while training and nearly got hit by a stray shuriken! She ducked behind a tree again. She looked around and saw Kakashi in the branches above her reading his book!

It was well past lunch time and Ayame was starving, but she waited until the team finally broke for lunch. Kakashi left and headed towards town. Ayame followed discreetly with a rumbling stomach. Kakashi entered a sushi restaurant and ordered a bento box. He sat in the corner facing the back so no one can see him eat, plus he held his book in front of him. Though tempted to go in, she waited outside the restaurant trying to get her courage up to ask him out. _I think I can, I think I can, I think I can_…

Meanwhile, Kakashi thought, _she's pretty good for an inexperienced civilian. At least she's dressed in plain brown robes. The idiots on my team tried to follow me in their regular clothes, bright orange, red, blue, what a bunch of bozos. Maybe they can take lessons from her. Good thing Naruto didn't hit her with that shuriken (he thought it was an enemy sneaking up on them), else the academy could be held liable._

Ayame took a deep breath and entered the restaurant. She ordered the extra large lunch special bento box and looked around casually . "Oh, hello Kakashi-sensei," she said as if she were surprised to see him there. But Kakashi had already finished eating and stood up to leave.

"Hmm? Oh, hello," Kakashi said pleasantly and turned to the door.

"Are you here alone_?" I think I can…I think I can…I think I can…_

"Yes, I'm about to leave."

_Do it! do it now! or regret it forever! _Ayame took another deep breath and without looking at him said, "Umm, if you're not doing anything tonight, would you like to accompany me to a movie?"

Kakashi said nothing but just scratched his head as though seriously thinking about it.

"My treat," Ayame offered.

That seemed to spark a response and Kakashi finally nodded his head.

"Can you meet me at the theater around six?"

Kakashi nodded again.

"Is there any particular movie you want to see?"

Kakashi said immediately "Make-Out Violence!" even though he had seen it ten times already, but hey, she's paying!

-...-...-...-

_**Ayame's First Date with Kakashi**_

Ayame arrived early and waited for half an hour, while trying hard to ignore the itching all over her body from her kunoichi outfit, which felt as if it shrank after washing. Kakashi was late. The movie had already started when he finally arrived.

"Sorry I'm late, but don't worry, we just missed the opening credits." Kakashi was in a hurry now and quickly entered the theatre without holding the door for Ayame. She nearly walked into it as it closed. Luckily, they find some seats near the rear of the theatre.

During the movie, Kakashi appeared to be transfixed. Ayame paid little attention to the movie, which was something about a sadomasochistic relationship between this easygoing guy and a rather crazy violent woman. They breakup and get back together repeated throughout the movie. Ayame looked over at Kakashi every few seconds and saw his mouth moving in rhythm with the characters' lines. _How many times has he seen this trash? Is this what he likes in bed?_

Ayame waited for Kakashi to make a move like placing his arm around her shoulders or holding her hand, but he didn't seem to remember she was there at all. He just stared at the screen, rarely blinking. After the movie, and all the credits, Kakashi abruptly got up to leave. Ayame hurried to follow him.

"So that was a…an interesting movie," Ayame said, trying to start a conversation.

"One of my favorites," Kakashi said, almost to himself.

"So, uh, you've read the whole series of books?"

Kakashi nodded. He kept his hands in his pockets and walked quickly in front of her.

"So, uh, you want to get a bite to eat or some drinks? I could use something besides ramen."

"Actually," Kakashi started to say while scratching his forehead protector, "I have an early day tomorrow so I really should get going."

"Oh, well, okay, um, I'll see you later then…"

Kakashi gave her a wave and ran off, without offering to walk her home.

Ayame sighed, _he's so shy, what a sweetie_.

-...-...-...-

**DAY 10**

_**What the Heart Wants**_

Sakura and Naruto discussed Ayame's romantic problems after the day's mission. Sasuke, finding the whole situation incredibly inane, went off on his own. Normally, Sakura would hurry after him, but this situation with the ramen girl was getting serious.

"So the ramen girl likes Kakashi-sensei and not Iruka-sensei?" Naruto was horrified. He astutely decided to avoid Iruka for a while until he calmed down. "What's the matter with that ramen girl? She should go for Iruka-sensei. It's obvious he's the better choice!"

"Well, the heart wants what the heart wants, there's no rationale for it."

Naruto in a low voice, but not low enough, "Yeah, like you and Sasuke."

Sakura hit him on the head saying, "What was that!"

"Nothing! I just said Iruka-sensei is such a great guy."

"Yeah, but look at it this way, she promised to get me a look at Kakashi-sensei's face."

"Really?" That thoughtwas enough to make Naruto seriously contemplate switching sides. "Maybe we should both help her. Like you said Sakura-chan, the heart wants… whatever."

-...-...-...-

_**Naruto's and Sakura's Alliance**_

Naruto and Sakura dropped by the ramen stand to see how Ayame was (not) progressing.

Sakura: "Have you given up on Kakashi-sensei yet?"

Ayame: "Of course not! In fact we went to a movie yesterday."

Naruto: "Let me guess, Make-Out Violence?"

Ayame turned red and nodded.

Sakura: "We've decided to join forces to help you."

Ayame: "With Kakashi-sensei or Iruka-sensei?"

Sakura: "Who do you want?"

Ayame: "Kakashi of course!"

Naruto: "Are you sure? He's incredibly weird and Iruka-sensei is such a great guy!"

Ayame: "I'm determined to have Kakashi-sensei, no matter what! So do you guys have any plans?"

Sakura: "Well, you already went to a movie. What's next?"

Ayame: "I'm waiting for him to ask me out. If not, I'll ask him out again."

_Inner Sakura: What? She asked him out? How shameful for a woman to ask a guy out! How desperate!_

Sakura: "I have an idea that should work out for all of us…"

-...-...-...-...-


	6. Two Weeks: Day 11

**DAY 11**

_**Ayame's Second Date with Kakashi**_

The 3 genins and Kakashi arrived at the ramen stand after their mission. Ayame had given Sakura and Naruto free ramen coupons good for dine-in only without her father's permission.

-...-

"_Ayame, this is going too far. Handing out free coupons!"_

"_Sakura-chan has a plan. This will work! At least we'll get to see Kakashi-sensei's face again."_

"_Well, that's something…yeah, that's worth 4 bowls of ramen…"_

_-...-_

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke waited with bated breath as they did nearly three weeks ago when they almost saw Kakashi's face.

Kakashi, apparently quite oblivious that everyone was staring at him, picked up his chopsticks. "The ramen I had the other day was quite excellent. I hope this is just as good. Thanks for the coupon."

"Oh, no problem. It's a special we're running for our best customers," Ayame explained.

Everyone fell silent. The tension in the air built up. Ayame and her father had the best view while the genins were craning their necks. Kakashi's hand moved to pull down his mask…

Suddenly there was a loud crash! The genins turned their heads in the direction of the noise. Ayame's soup pot had boiled over and the lid crashed onto thefloor! She had adjusted the heat to achieve the perfect serving temperature, then in her excitement, forgot to turn it down and the lid was placed precariously. The genins turned their heads back to Kakashi, but it was already too late. They missed seeing his face again! But Ayame and her father were completely oblivious to the soup accident. They had that silly love-struck look in their eyes again.

But not to worry, time for phase 2 of Sakura's plan.

"Umm, Kakashi-sensei. Your team told me you're off tomorrow…so you have time tonight to got for a drink?" Ayame asked tentatively.

Kakashi said nothing but just scratched his head as though seriously thinking about it.

"My treat."

That seemed to spark a response and Kakashi finally nodded his head.

They went to the sake bar where Ayame ordered a drink, but Kakashi declined, saying he wasn't thirsty yet. Instead he took out his book and started reading.

Ayame tried hard to start a conversation. "So, are those books really that good? Can I borrow one?"

Kakashi stopped reading and looked at her with his one exposed eye. _Lend my book to someone else? Is she nuts?_

_-...-...-...-_

Meanwhile the 3 genins followed through on their plan.

Naruto: "Ok, time for phase 2. We need to transform to adults so we can enter the bar."

Sakura: "Right, I can look like Kurenai-sensei."

Sasuke: "There's no one cool I want to look like." _I can't believe I'm going along with this inane plan, but I have to see Kakashi-sensei's face!_

Naruto: "How about Gai-sensei?"

Sasuke: "You have got to be kidding."

Naruto: "Hey, he's a good guy. He gave me a nifty green jumpsuit. I'll show it to you sometime. It's…aerodynamic!"

Sasuke: "Fine, you be pageboy. I'll be…hmm…"

Sakura: "What about Asuma-sensei?"

Sasuke: "No, he smokes. Filthy habit."

Naruto: "What about Ebisu-sensei?"

Sasuke: "I don't want to cover my eyes with sunglasses."

Naruto: "What about one of the examiner guys?"

Sasuke: "No, one's dead, one's got an oral fixation, and the other's got too many scars to duplicate easily."

Naruto, in jest: "What about the other examiner…Anko-sensei?"

Sakura: "Look, we'd better hurry up. We're wasting time. Who knows, Kakashi-sensei may have finished his drink already."

Sasuke: "Fine, I'll go as Anko-sensei. At least she knows some cool techniques." _Plus I look good in fishnet._

While walking to the bar Sakura wondered, "You know, Kurenai-sensei and Anko-sensei are friends. But I don't know if Gai-sensei would hang out with them. Do you think it's suspicious?"

"A guy hanging out with 2 women. What's wrong with that?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke replied,"Don't worry, in Gai-sensei's case, it'll appear perfectly normal."

The bouncer barely looked at them when they enter the bar. A waitress came up and showed them to a table.

Naruto-Gai: "Hey, this is working out pretty well. We have a clear view of Kakashi-sensei over there."

Sakura-Kurenai: "Looks like he hasn't ordered a drink yet. Guess we'll have to wait."

The waitress came back for their drink orders. "Your usual Gai-sensei?" she asked with a coquettish smile.

Naruto-Gai: "Oh, uh, of course."

Sakura-Kurenai: "Just tea for me please."

"Your usual Anko-sensei?"

Sasuke-Anko just nodded.

The three said nothing as they concentrated onlooking at Kakashi, willing him to order a drink and pull down his mask.

The waitress returned after a few minutes. She placed their drink orders down, but before she left she stopped and stared at Sakura-Kurenai. "Kurenai-sensei, that's a good color on you. I thought you were more conservative but the pink highlights suit you." The waitress smiled at them and left. Sakura couldn't hold her transformation any longer!

Naruto-Gai whispered, "Hey Sakura-chan, your hair is turning from black to pink!"

Sakura-Kurenai: "What? My hair? What's going on?"

Sasuke-Anko: "You just don't have enough chakra to hold your transformation for very long. You better get out of here before you completely transform back. No minors you know."

_Inner Sakura: No way in hell! I'm not going to miss this!_

Naruto-Gai: "Sakura-chan you'd better go, don't worry, we'll tell you all about it."

_Inner Sakura: That's not the same! No, not when we're so close!_

But then Sakura felt the transformation unraveling as her chest started to deflate. She quickly ran out of the bar, her arms folded over her chest.

After a few minutes, the waitress came over and asked, "Is there something wrong with your drinks?"

"Oh, no, nothing wrong at all," Naruto-Gai said as he gulped down the large cup of sake. What Naruto didn't realize was that Gai, a master of the drunken fist technique, liked his drinks 150 proof! Thebar kept a special bottle just for him. The alcohol burned Naruto's epiglottis, esophagus, and abdomen immediately! He coughed and sputtered sake all over Sasuke-Anko. The alcohol was quickly absorbed into his blood stream and he started to feel sleepy...

Sasuke-Anko carefully took a sip of his drink and frowned. He didn't know what it was, and something told him he didn't want to know. It had alcohol in it, but also weird floating pieces of something. He looked over at Naruto-Gai and realized that in his drunken state, Naruto could no longer hold his transformation. _Crap, why am I stuck with two useless idiots!_

Naruto-Gai's hair started to lighten. His eyebrows thinned out. Sasuke-Anko dumped some money on the table, grabbed Naruto and carried him out the door. _Damn, another failed mission…_

_-...-...-...-_

Kakashi actually lent Ayame his book! After Ayame asked him numerous questions on the differences between the movie and the book, Kakashi decided it was easier to let her read his book herself. He finished reading it at the bar in between (not) answering any of the personal questions Ayame posed to him: _Do you live alone? Do you have any family? How do you get along with your genin team? How long have you been a jounin? Do you like being a shinobi? What would you rather do? _Kakashi's answers: _Yes, No, Ok, Awhile, Yes, Don't know_.

After a few drinks, Ayame started to feel a bit tipsy. Being rather nervous, she drank more than her usual. Kakashi meanwhile finally ordered a drink, but it sat in front of him untouched. Ayame started to yawn. Her conscious thoughts and fantasy dreams started to intertwine. Her inhibitions started to fade. "Kakashi-kun," she said dreamily while leaning forward boldly, "I really…like…your…hair…" She crashed against his chest fast asleep. Kakashi finally knocked back his drink. He frowned as he looked at the bill. _Geez, she drinks like a fish. This costs more than the movie and ramen!_

_-...-...-...-_


	7. Two Weeks: Days 12 to 14

**DAY 12**

_**Ayame's Third Date with Kakashi**_

Someone was shaking Ayame's shoulder. "We're closing now," said the bartender.

Ayame blinked her eyes and stood up slowly. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was already the next day and Kakashi had already left. She stretched her arms and legs and was about to go, but then the waitress stopped her. "You forgot this," she said as she handed Ayame the bill.

-...-...-...-

Ayame stayed up the rest of the night to read "Make-Out Violence." _We'll have something to talk about now, _she thought_. It's actually quite well written. The characters are well defined. The sex parts are rather…interesting and detailed. No wonder he likes them. The movie adaptation is watered down and the characters are shallow…_

In the morning, her father asked her suspiciously, "You were out very late Ayame. Anything I should know about?"

Ayame shrugged, "Not really. Except don't drink five bottles of sake on an empty stomach. Nothing happened. I just fell asleep at the sake bar."

"Kakashi-sensei didn't bring you home?" His brow furrowed. "He doesn't seem very reliable."

"Oh, that doesn't matter. I mean, I don't expect him to carry me home. Oh crap, I hope I didn't embarrass myself."

"You know, Ayame, love is like the House Special ramen…"

_Oh no here he goes again…_

"You think you're getting something special, something really great, but in reality, it's just whatever assortment of stuff that's left over from the less fancy ramen dishes and it's really not as good in comparison."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Sigh, it means…maybe Kakashi-sensei isn't that great…he just looks heavenly, sigh."

"Take that back! You take that back right now! Kakashi's the greatest! You'll see…he's…he's just not in touch with his feelings…being a shinobi and all."

Ayame's father said nothing in response. There was no arguing with someone in love. "It's getting late. We have to open the stand soon. Let's get going."

-...-...-...-...-

As the sun was setting, Sakura and Naruto dropped by the ramen stand after training.

Sakura asked, "So how did it go last night?"

"I'm not sure. I can't remember. I had a bit too much to drink. Did you get to see his face?"

Naruto and Sakura shook their heads sadly.

Naruto asked, "What now? Do either of you have another plan?

Sakura and Ayame sighed and shook their heads.

But Ayame did have another plan, one not fit for the ears of children. After closing, Ayame decided to go to Kakashi's home to return his book. She was nervous, her plan should work, but he seemed rather unpredictable. Ayame rang the doorbell twice and waited. _What if he's not home? Can I get up the courage again?_

But Kakashi was home and he answered the door. He looked like he was ready for bed, but the lower part of his face was covered by a towel (a hot steaming towel makes it easier to shave). He was not wearing his forehead protector, so he closed his left eye.

"I just came by to return your book. It was really good, much better than I expected."

"Hmm, glad you liked it," Kakashi said as he took back the book, inspecting it carefully for any damage.

Ayame thought, _I can't take this anymore! He's not making any moves. Is he shy or lazy or just not interested? I'm going to have to take the initiative and jump his bones! _

"If you're interested…I'm willing to…reenact any scene from the book or movie," Ayame offered while blushing the deepest shade of red possible. Her eyes were lowered as she said this, but with a great force of will, she glanced up at him.

_She's bolder and more persistent than I thought. And it might be interesting. Never had a proposition like that before, _Kakashi thought, greatly amused.

Now what man can resist such temptation?

_(Author's notes: I run a family friendly site, so readers will have to use their imagination at this point. Insert your own lemon scene.)_

_-...-...-...-_

**DAY 13**

_**Ayame's Thoughts**_

It was morning now though Ayame could hardly sense it through Kakashi's thick dark shades that barely allow in a single ray of light (that way no one could look through his window to see his face). She got up and picked up her clothes strewn all across the room. She then washed up and dressed.

Ayame had spent most of the night awake, thinking about her life. She would have preferred cuddling, or doing it again, but Kakashi just rolled over and went to sleep. He snored, too, very annoying! As her father would say, the noodles were long enough, but it was just plain ramen, no toppings or condiments, with a mediocre soup base. Boring, disappointing. She wasn't sure what to expect really, just something more.

His idea of foreplay was to read his book. His idea of cuddling was to read his book. He did not bother to initiate any conversation. His answers to her questions were monosyllabic, evasive. None of it was what she had imagined in her waking or sleeping hours. She thought they would have these deep philosophical discussions about life and death that had nothing to do with ramen. That he'd be exciting and dangerous. And there was something else…while he was kissing her last night…

She looked over at him. He was at his desk checking his calendar. He seemed to be unaware of her existence.

"What's my name?"

"Your name? Why? Don't you know?"

"I know my own name, I was just wondering if you do."

"Hmmm…"

"You called me Junko last night. That's the girl from the movie…no wait…that was the _guy_ from the movie! _What the hell!_ Do you even know my name after all this time?"

"Umm, guess not. Wait, does it start with a…"

"Forget it! You idiot! It's over! I'm outta here!"

-...-...-...-

_**Kakashi's Thoughts**_

_Obsession is like genjutsu, an illusion where you see what you expect to see. The only way to dispel an obsession is to confront it directly, to distinguish reality from fantasy, truth from expectations. _

_Nice girl, but not really my type. It's hard to discourage someone with a crush, but I think I handled it pretty well. It was really the only way to cure her obsession for me. It's best for her to break up with me. Easier for me that way, no "it's not you it's me" speech. Doesn't take much, usually by the third date women get tired of the poor treatment. Hope she doesn't hate me at least. Ayame is a nice girl, but not a kunoichi. Civilians are just not as exciting in bed. It's not like she can do kage bunshin or henge. Well, at least I got a free movie, some ramen, and a one night stand out of all this. Sigh, it's better for her to find someone more appropriate. Iruka is a really great guy…_

_-...-...-...-_

**DAY 14**

_**Ayame Wises Up**_

Ayame stared sadly at the roses in their vase on the counter. Some were still blooming while others had started to wilt. _Sigh, I should just throw them out, but they're so beautiful, and expensive. No one's ever going to send me flowers like that again. I'm such an idiot!_

Ayame had not seen Iruka since their breakup. Her thoughts still hovered on Kakashi but now they drifted over to Iruka once in a while. Dates with both of them were disappointing, but at least Iruka tried to be attentive. Maybe if she had given him a chance…

The sun was now casting its last rays over Konoha. The gold streaked sky was reminiscent of the yellow strands of ramen floating in a soup base of clear chicken broth. Most customers had already picked up their take out orders. Pretty soon it would be time to close up and end another day of her boring pathetic life.

Ayame no longer cared about making the perfect ramen. Since yesterday she had been silent and depressed, refusing to answer any of her father's questions. Her father had taken over the cooking duties again while Ayame sadly peeled and cut the vegetables, thoughtfully eyeing the knife in her hands.

Now her father was in the back getting things ready for the next day. Ayame was about to start cleaning up when she heard a hesitant cough. She turned around to see Iruka sitting down at the counter.

"Hello, Iruka-sensei. It's been a while. I'm glad to see you again," she gave him a genuinely pleased smile while blushing a bit.

"Hi, er yes, umm…you're still open, right? A bowl of seafood ramen please." _Glad to see me, yeah right, she's glad to see my money. But I'll have to leave her an extra tip, or she'll think I'm holding a grudge, which I am, but I want to show her what a great guy I am…_

Ayame prepared an extra big bowl of ramen for Iruka with extra trimmings.

"Thank you, Ayame-chan."

"Say that again?"

"Thank you. "

"No the last part."

"Ayame?"

"You know my name!"

"Of course, why wouldn't I? It's not like I can just call you the ramen girl all the time…"

And they lived happily ever after, with no further interference from 12 year olds, and had 2.5 kids (2 became shinobis, .5 inherited the ramen stand).

--------END---------

_This story is dedicated to Iruka in the hopes that nice guys don't finish last. Upcoming sequel: "Another Couple of Days in the Life of the Ramen Girl" where Iruka finds out Ayame slept with Kakashi and dumps her. Ayama plots to win him back._

_Author's notes: After I finished writing this story, I found out that Ayame is 17 at the start of the series or about 18 in the present timeline, which I think is still underage in Japan, so she should not be drinking at the sake bar. This story does not endorse underage drinking! I thought she was about 22._

_If you want to know what kind of girl Kakashi would go for, check out Kakashi & the Kunoichi from Thunder Country. More articles, stories, and Kakashi raving at animefamily. com_

-...-...-...-...-


	8. Another: Part 1 Miscommunication

_Author's Note: Sequel to "Two Weeks in the Life of the Ramen Girl" _**  
**_I'm making this a series of stories with the ramen girl, if I can think of more crazy situations. _

**ANOTHER COUPLE OF DAYS IN THE LIFE OF THE RAMEN GIRL**

_**Part 1 - Miscommunication**_

It's been a month since Iruka and Ayame got back together, after Ayame's fiasco of a relationship with Kakashi. The first week was awkward as the couple tried to find their footing. But after the second week they settled into a comfortable understanding that they were indeed now a couple. The third week confirmed that they were seeing each other exclusively. And Iruka finally stopped blushing everything he made a romantic gesture.

Ayame was proceeding slower this time, having learned her lesson through Kakashi. She had jumped into bed with him without knowing what kind of person he truly was. This time she would not make the same mistake. So it was with great deliberation that she took the next step.

-insert your own lemon scene-

"Mmm…that was nice, very nice," Ayame murmured as she nibbled at Iruka's ear. Her hands caressed his loose dark hair as he lay panting on top of her. _So soft, longer than mine, with better shine, I wonder what conditioner he uses._

"Glad you think so," he said smiling, while nuzzling her neck.

"Mmm, yes, much better than Kakashi." That last part was not meant to be said out loud, but she was feeling sleepy and it slipped out unconsciously.

"What! You slept with Kakashi!" Iruka got off her, pulling the sheets with him.

"Huh? Well, only once, and it wasn't…" Ayame sat up, surprised at his vehemence.

"You went out with him like twice!" ranted Iruka while thinking, _It took me a month to get her into bed and he just went out with her twice. How much money did I spend wining and dining her? He probably made her pay!_

"I don't see why you're over reacting like this. We were having such a good time…" Ayame smiled coyly and patted the mattress, hoping he'd return to bed. But Iruka was still ranting.

"You were thinking of him all the while weren't you? Comparing me to him…"

"Well…umm…" She couldn't lie to him could she? She was not the deceitful type. It was true that she was thinking of Kakashi and how disappointed she was. To her pleasant surprise, Iruka was much better, more passionate, taking longer, there was even foreplay, and he looked like the cuddling type…

"Don't deny it!"

She shrugged. "It's natural isn't it? To compare ex-lovers to the current one…" Ayame then realized she said too much. That was not what Iruka wanted to hear, at all.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"You never asked."

"That's not something a guy would ask about!"

"Why not? You apparently wanted to know."

"That's information a woman should volunteer!"

"You never told me about any other woman."

"But that's not important."

"Why not?"

"Because…because… it's Kakashi!"

"I chose you, so what else do you want?"

"You're only with me because you can't have him."

"But you're upset because I did have him. Isn't that the point?"

"I can't believe it... I just can't believe it…" Iruka said over and over as he pulled on his shirt, pants and sandals.

"What are you doing? Are you leaving? It's the middle of the night!" Ayame pleaded with him, getting up out of the bed, disregarding her nakedness, with no sense of humility. "Please stay, we can work this out…"

"I'm going for a walk. I would prefer that you not be here when I get back," Iruka responded coldly, without looking at her, shaking off her hand on his arm. He slammed the door behind him and walked quickly into the cool night air, hoping to calm himself.

_Damn you Kakashi, this is all your fault! _Ayame swore furiously, unreasonably, to herself.

-…-…-…-…-

_I'm not over reacting am I?_ Iruka thought angrily as he walked around aimlessly. _How could she just sleep with someone so quickly? Especially with a guy like that? And then dare to compare me to him! _

Iruka had thought he had gotten past Ayame's relationship with Kakashi, but now all his insecurities and thoughts of inadequacies came back. _He's cooler than I am, taller, stronger, makes more money…_

_Well, I'm never going back to Ichiraku's again! Guess it's back to cooking and packing sandwiches. Can't afford to eat at most of the other places. Naruto's going to be disappointed, but a man has his pride to think about!_ _Sigh, but I really liked her. She was so sweet. A bit of a ditz, but she was nice, unlike those bitchy kunoichis. I really thought maybe this time…_

He found himself by the Academy building and as class was going to start in a few hours, and as he had nowhere else to go, he entered and changed into his spare uniform in his locker. There was no point in trying to sleep, so Iruka spent the remaining hours just lying on top of the bench, thinking, and cursing Kakashi's name.

-…-…-…-…-

Ayame waited up all night for Iruka to return but he didn't. Finally when dawn was well past and he was probably teaching class already, she got out of his bed and collected her belongings. _This so unfair! I didn't do anything to deserve this. Me and my big mouth. Stupid stupid!_ she berated herself. _I really liked him too. This past month has been great. Never knew a guy so attentive. Sure he's no smooth talker or cool or drop dead gorgeous, or rich or…but I'm not either…_

-...-

Like her father said, "Iruka sensei is like a bowl of plain ramen. No frills or fancy toppings but just your basic stock and noodles. Yet without them you wouldn't have ramen."

"I don't get it," Ayame said with her usual clueless expression.

"He has all the necessary essentials to be a good mate," her father explained patiently. _Why doesn't she ever understand my ramen analogies? Her mother used to love them!_

"But I want to be in love…"

"Being in love is like an super-size bowl of the House Special. You think you want it, and it seems great at first, but it's really too much, and you get sick of it."

"Huh?"

"Sigh, it's better to love someone than to be in love. After all, you can easily fall out of love while real love lasts a long time."

Ayame carefully thought over her father's words. _Well, how would I know if I love Iruka? I'm pretty sure I'm not in love with him. But he's passed all the tests, (she had read articles on what makes a good boyfriend, how a guy should act on a date, significant other etiquette, etc.) but one. The final test, is he good in bed…_

_-...-_

She had all night to mull over what happened and how she felt, and in her obsessive way, Ayame decided that she definitely wanted Iruka, and she loved him to death.

-…-…-…-...-

"There you are! You! You! You ruined my life!" Ayame found Kakashi loitering by the shinobi memorial.

Kakashi looked up from his book with a confused look in his eye. It was not unusual for strange women (and men!) to come up to him making such allegations. He struggled to recall what he could have possibly done to this woman that could have ruined her life_. Ayame, the ramen girl…Oh shit, she's not pregnant is she? Damn, I was so careful, that technique is supposed to work 99.99 percent of the time! _Kakashi thought frantically. He felt himself sweating beneath his forehead protector. _It's been a month…she must have just found out. Crap! Super crap! __If she decides to end it, I'll accompany her… and even pay for it. If she decides to have it, I'll support her_, he added honorably.

"I'm sorry…I'll take care of it. I promise…"

"Well you better! Find him and talk some sense into him immediately!"

"Huh?" _Does she mean her father? Oh shit, he's going to want me to marry her…this is soooo not good! _"Right, okay, I'll talk to him right now…" Kakashi stowed his book away and ran off to the ramen stand, leaving Ayame behind to contemplate her next step.

-…-…-…-…-

Her father had just started preparations to open the ramen stand when Kakashi approached. He cleared his throat to get the older man's attention.

"Ahem, excuse me, er, about your daughter…"

The older man turned around and saw Kakashi nonchalantly leaning against the counter. He frowned suspiciously_. I thought she dumped him. Good riddance_. "What do you want with my daughter?" he finally asked after giving him the twice over. _Damn, he's really cool!_

"Well, I, er, I want you to know that whatever she decides, I'll support her decision. It is her decision after all. We men shouldn't interfere. It's a woman's choice…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" His suspicions multiplied.

"You know, her, er, condition."

"What condition?" His suspicions now grew exponentially.

"The, er…" He scratched his head nervously. _How can I put this so that he can understand yet not flip out. I thought she told him already._ "The…er…uncooked ramen in the pot of stock…"

The old man's eyes widened then narrowed. His face turned pale despite the heat from the pot of boiling water behind him. His lips started quivering with anger. "You! You! You bastard! You got my daughter pregnant!" All the passer-bys stopped and stared at the masked shinobi still coolly standing there while the old ramen guy ranted at him.

Among them was Naruto. And now that Naruto knew, soon the whole village would know too.

-…-…-…-…-

_Author's notes : Stay tuned as Team 7 tries to help/make things worse._

_I decided to write this sequel and give poor Iruka a decent portrayal and some female action after seeing the horrific MizukixIruka implications in the recent filler episodes._


	9. Another: Part 2 Plan Goes Awry

_**Part 2 – The Plan Goes Awry**_

Sasuke was leaning back on the bridge railing, coldly ignoring Sakura's romantic overtures when Naruto came running up.

"Hey, hey! Guess what I just heard this morning!" Naruto said excitedly, nearing jumping out of his skin.

Sasuke just looked at him, then looked away, and did not deign to guess anything.

"Whatever, just tell us," said Sakura impatiently. _I just needed another couple of minutes to wear down Sasuke-kun's defenses. He was definitely coming around. Damn Naruto and his bad timing! Kunai his ass!_

"Guess! It's about Kakashi sensei and the ramen girl!"

"I thought they were over. Isn't she back with Iruka sensei?" asked Sakura whose curiosity was now piqued.

"Yes, but something's come up, or rather will come out, in like 8 months," Naruto fell to the ground laughing hysterically and clutching his stomach.

Sasuke now raised his head attentively.

Sakura's jaw dropped. "You mean she's pregnant with Kakashi sensei's baby?"

"Yes! I heard the old ramen guy yelling at Kakashi-sensei when I passed by this morning. I bet he's going to be super late today!"

"Kakashi…a father… doesn't seem… like a good idea," Sasuke finally voiced his thoughts.

Sakura agreed, "Iruka sensei would make a much better father. I wonder what she'll do, if she's really over Kakashi sensei. Poor Iruka sensei."

"Do you think Kakashi sensei would marry her?" asked Naruto, wondering if that would entitle his team to free ramen.

"I doubt it. Look at what kind of guy he is. Look at the way he treated her before. This is an unmitigated disaster! I wonder how Iruka sensei is taking this…"

"There you guys are! You have to help me!" Ayame cried desperately while running up to the team.

Sakura quickly whispered to the boys, "Pretend like we don't know anything. We don't want to embarrass her any further. She's always been a little loopy. We don't want to send her over the edge."

"Kakashi sensei ruined my life!"

The team nodded in silence.

"You have to help me win back Iruka sensei. He found out about me and Kakashi sensei and…he…dumped me!" Ayame was now bawling her eyes out after holding it in for so long.

_Pathetic, falling apart like that over a guy_, thought Sakura. "Yes, we understand your…situation, but what can we do to help?" Sakura asked kindly.

Ayame stopped crying and tried hard to compose herself. "Naruto-kun, you have to talk to Iruka sensei. Make him understand. It was all a mistake. He'll listen to you rather than Kakashi sensei. You're like his…" she stopped to blow her nose in her kerchief that she usually wore around her hair.

"Son? Best friend?" Naruto prompted.

"No…pet dog…I mean you're someone he trusts and can talk to. Please!"

Naruto did not liked being compared to a pet animal but he placated himself by thinking she meant that he was loyal and trustworthy. "All right I'll do it in the name of true love! I'll convince him to forgive you and get him to take on all responsibilities!"

"Huh? Well, whatever… and you Sakura, you have to help me figure a way to win him back."

"Well, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but this is going to be tough…he's probably had enough of your ramen…"

"You have to help me break into his apartment!" A sudden idea just struck Ayame.

"What!" Sakura did not approve of illegal activities.

"I should've taken his spare keys, but stupid me. The door locks automatically. I have to get back into his apartment and wait for his return. He can't stay overnight at the Academy for much longer. You see…"

Ayame took Sakura aside, away from the prying ears and eyes of the boys. "The way to a man's heart is not through his stomach but through…sex. You're still too young for that sort of stuff, but it's good advice for later. You shinobis have lock picking skills, right?"

_Does she mean I have to put out to get Sasuke-kun to like me? What kind of role model is she?_ "Well, yeah, I can get you in. Just promise not to break or take anything and don't tell anyone," Sakura agreed reluctantly.

Sasuke, who was pretending not to listen, had concentrated his chakra to his ears and heard everything everyone said. He shook his head at their folly. _People are so stupid, especially women. As if a man would fall for something as low as that. Sex, is that all women think about?_

-…-…-…-…-

Ayame left for her responsibilities at the ramen stand. After waiting for Kakashi for another hour, the team received a message by carrier pigeon that Kakashihad beenassigned another mission and would not be back until tomorrow. They had a nagging suspicion that Kakashi wanted to make himself scarce for a while. The team broke up to attend to various errands.

Naruto went to the Academy to find Iruka. He waited by the teacher's lounge, expecting him to return to his locker before lunchtime. His strategy worked as he soon saw Iruka looking downcast and walking slowly towards him. Naruto tried plan#1. He transformed himself to look like Ayame, but in a nice tight revealing outfit.

"Iruka-kun…" he gave Iruka the saddest, sexiest look he could muster.

"Ayame-chan…" Iruka said, surprised at her presence and at her dress. Then he recovered and firmly frowned and looked away. "I don't have anything to say to you right now," he said stubbornly.

"But Iruka-kun, you're the one I love. Please forgive me."

It was the first time either one of them had used the "L" word and it touched him greatly that she said it first. In his past relationships, he was always the first to say it, usually after just a few dates. The women would then turn cold and suddenly stop seeing him, thinking he was getting too serious too soon.

Ayame-Naruto sidled up close to Iruka and whispered seductively in his ear, "We can work this out. I'll do anything you say. Just meet me back at your place after classes are done." Naruto's act worked all too well as Iruka suddenly turned around and grabbed him by the waist, breaking Naruto's concentration and he transformed back to his regular self.

"What the hell! Naruto, what the fuck are you doing, playing around like this!" Iruka turned a shade of reddish purple that Naruto had never seen before in all his years of pranks.

"Er, hi, Iruka-sensei. I heard you and the ramen girl were having problems so I thought I would help out…"

"I don't need your help!" Iruka yelled angrily, causing some passer-bys to turn their heads and murmur. "And what's with everyone looking at me and whispering today?"

Naruto now tried plan#2, the sympathetic approach. "I know it must be very difficult for you, but even though you're not my real father, I think of you as one," he said honestly.

"Thanks, Naruto, but why are you saying this now?" asked Iruka suspiciously.

"It's just that…I know you'll be the real father to her child, not Kakashi-sensei…"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" All the veins in Iruka's head and neck were now visibly bulging.

"I know you'll be a great father to the ramen girl's baby. She loves you, not…"

"She's pregnant?"

"I thought you knew about her and Kakashi-sensei…"

"I did, but I didn't realize…" Iruka started to have other suspicions. _Was that why she slept with me? Was she going to pass it off as my baby? _

Naruto now realized it was not going well. He tried plan#3, the direct approach. "What does it matter whose baby it is? She loves you and you love her and Kakashi-sensei doesn't want anything to do with it…"

"That insensitive bastard! His own child and he bears no responsibility! He wants to pawn it off on me! I won't be his puppet…"

"Forget about Kakashi-sensei, just think about the ramen girl and having a nice little family with her. She's waiting for you…"

"Wait a second, is she still at my place?"

Naruto shrugged.

"Tell her to get out of there! I'm not going back until she's gone!"

"Iruka-sensei, I think you're making a big mistake…"

"This is none of your business Naruto. This is between us adults. We'll resolve it ourselves without your interference now get out of her before I escort you out!"

"Fine! Just remember this!" Naruto's last words before he transformed into a beautifully naked Ayame with minimal cloud coverage.

Poor Iruka fell back and hit his head against the wall. Blood dripped profusely from his nose. By the time he came to his senses, Naruto was gone.

-…-…-…-…-

When Ayame arrived at the ramen stand, her father greeted her coldly. "Ayame-chan, is there something you want to tell me?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry I'm late. Had some stuff to take care of…"

"I mean about Iruka sensei and Kakashi s…"

"It's under control and it's none of your business," she said defiantly while paring the vegetables.

"I'm your father, I'm here to help…"

"I'll take care of it. Don't worry. Hey, how did you know?"

"Kakashi sensei came by earlier…"

"That stupid jerk! Why's he blabbing to you?" She started to cut the vegetables into more manageable pieces.

"He probably thought that since I am your father, I'd be in a position to advise you…"

"Advise me with more ridiculous ramen analogies!" She started to dice her vegetables.

"Ridiculous or not, life can always be explained using ramen as a microcosm," her father replied defensively. _I think my ramen analogies are nicely philosophical._

"Well, I'm an adult and I can take care of myself. Don't worry dad, I know you mean well, but this is my mess," Ayame said, a bit more kindly.

"Well, I'll support you in whatever decision you make. But you know I think Iruka sensei would make a great father."

"Huh? Yes, he would, but we're not ready for that yet."

"Well, of course, you two still have some time before you make any rash decision, but time passes much faster than you realize. It's like when you're making the soup stock and they say a watched pot never boils but then before you know it, it's boiled over and it's too late…"

"I have it under control!" Ayame chopped her vegetables furiously, now they were minced rather than diced. But she didn't care and to her father's horror, she threw them all into the stock pot.

-…-…-…-…-

After the lunch rush was over, Ayame met Sakura at Iruka's apartment.

"I don't know about this," Sakura said hesitantly. "It's really an invasion of privacy…"

"Oh, please, I've been in there plenty of times. Privacy's not an issue. And I promise I won't break or steal anything."

"All right, all in the name of love…"

_Inner Sakura: Break into Sasuke's place! Find out what he likes! Take some of his hair from his hairbrush and make a Sasuke doll for a love jutsu!_

Sakura took out her lock pick set. "We're supposed to be able to do it with just chakra, but I'm not at that level yet, so I'll have to try these." She selected a couple of picks and carefully felt for the cylinders and tumblers until she heard a click. "There you go…"

"Thanks so much Sakura-chan!" Ayame said as she brushed by the pink haired genin, entered the ground floor apartment, and quickly closed the door in Sakura's astonished face.

_After all_, Ayame thought, _I've been here and she hasn't, so if she sees this place it really would be an invasion of privacy, and that wouldn't be fair to Iruka-kun._

-…-…-…-…-

_Iruka-kun should be here soon_, Ayame thought as she made preparations_. After a rough day at the Academy, a shower, together, followed by a sensual message, then a nice snack…_

Ramen was too messy to eat to be sensual so she bought some fruit instead. Ayame was wearing one of Iruka's robes, with nothing underneath, while trying to arrange the carefully cut fruit into something creatively interesting. But all she could come up with was a big smiley face composed of the strawberries, grapes, blueberries, apples, and bananas. She frowned as she noticed the apples and bananas were already turning brown.

Then she heard footsteps by the door. Ayame steadied her nerves, grabbed the doorknob and quickly opened the door expecting to surprise Iruka. She was wearing his robe with the front mostly open. Instead she found Naruto with bulging eyes and his tongue hanging out. She instinctively shot out her fist, which connected nicely with his jaw.

"What the hell are you doing here? Where's Iruka-sensei?" Ayame asked while closing the robe tightly and looking around.

Naruto got up slowly while rubbing his chin. _Good thing she doesn't have the impact of Sakura's punch, _he thought ruefully. "He's not coming. He says he's not coming back until he's sure you're gone. I was going to tell you earlier but I ran into Kiba and he started showing me Akamaru's new tricks and by the time I got to the ramen stand your dad said you left. Then I stayed and had a few bowls of ramen before I came over here…"

Ayame was not listening at all to Naruto's exuses. _Iruka-kun does not want to have anything more to do with me,_ she thought sadly. Tears started to fall from her eyes, but she didn't bother to wipe them. She was straining to think of another plan.

"Hey, now, miss, don't give up! Never give up! I'm sure it will work out. Iruka-sensei's a great guy. He won't stay mad at you. Look at all the trouble I've caused him, and he's still my friend."

"Sigh, it's different between men and women," Ayame sniffed. "I'll have to think of another way to apologize."

"Guess it's easier with girls. If Sakura were mad at me, I'd send her flowers…if I had enough money." Naruto thought regrettably that he had just spent his weekly allowance on ramen, and Sakura would just throw his flowers in the trash. She only wanted flowers from Sasuke.

"Hmm… well, who says flowers are just for women…" Ayame's mind started spinning again.

-…-…-…-…-…-

_Next up Sasuke gets roped into helping the ramen girl._


	10. Another: Part 3 Another Plan

_**Part 3 – Another Plan**_

The next morning, Ayame hurried over to the flower shop. The pretty blonde girl was behind the counter. Ayame rarely bought flowers. She only needed them on special occasions for her mother's grave. She knew little about flowers and nothing about what a man would like.

"Excuse me," Ayame said to the flower girl, "can you help me pick out an arrangement for a man?"

"For a man?" Ino repeated in surprise. _How strange, but quite a novel idea, could open a whole new market if advertised properly…_

"Yes, I would like to send some flowers in apology. Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Of course it is! There's no rule that says a man can't receive flowers! I'm sure he'll greatly appreciate the gesture. Let's see…a manly arrangement…I can do it! This is a test of my superior flower arrangement skills. I was first in my class you know…"

"Er, that's nice…now what do you think would be appropriate for a guy?"

"Hmm…wait, aren't you the waitress from Ichiraku? You're, I mean, you were going out with Iruka sensei weren't you?" _Iruka's been one of my best customers! I have to get them back together!_ "I'm terribly sorry about…your situation. I'll do my best to help. I'll even give you a discount!" _Not really, I'll just round down the numbers but everyone likes to think they're getting a discount._

"Oh, thank you very much," Ayame said appreciatively. _How come everyone seems to know my business? At least they've all been sympathetic._

"Okay, let's see…how about some forget-me-nots? They're a nice blue violet color. They're small flowers so we can add them to something larger and more impressive…"

Ino proceeded to carefully arrange a number of different blue, violet, and yellow flowers. Ayame had to admit she was impressed.

"That's so beautiful, just send them over to…"

"I'm sorry we have no delivery service today…"

"What!"

"There's only me today so I can't leave the store."

"What if I watch the store and you bring it over?"

"I can't do that! What would you do if customers came in? Do you know anything about flowers at all? I can't afford to lose any customers."

Ayame just then looked out the window and saw Sasuke walking by. She ran out and called to him frantically. "Sasuke! Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke looked back, saw the ramen girl, and continued walking. But Ayame was not to be ignored. She ran up to him and grabbed the sole remaining Uchiha by the arm.

He glared at her dangerously. "You shouldn't do that. Not unless you want a fight."

"Fight? Me? A civilian?" She laughed, "You're very funny despite what everyone says. No, no, I need you to do me a favor…"

"No." Sasuke pulled his arm away.

"Please, please, I just need you to deliver…"

"No." He started to walk away.

"Please! I knew your parents!" _Not really but something like that always works_, Ayame thought, a bit guiltily.

Sasuke stopped and just looked at her.

Ayame scrambled for something to say. "They used to come to the ramen stand all the time, before you were born." She added the last part in case he claimed he had no memories of them eating at Ichiraku.

"What would they order?" Sasuke asked as if testing the veracity of her statements.

"Uh…" _think, think_, "…uh, your dad liked the beef ramen and your mom the house special." It was a complete guess. Sasuke usually ordered beef ramen so she chose that for his dad. _Like father like son_, she hoped. _And everyone likes the house special ramen_, she hoped.

Sasuke said nothing but just nodded as if Ayame passed the test.

Ayame sighed in relief and continued with her request, "I need you to deliver these flowers and this note to Iruka sensei at the Academy."

"I hear he doesn't want anything to do with you. I doubt if he'll accept them," Sasuke said unsympathetically. _Slut, whore_, he added to himself.

"Well…you can force Iruka sensei to read it! Can't you? I mean, you're an elite Uchiha and he's just a pathetic chuunin with no hopes of making jounin, right?" Ayame felt bad about insulting Iruka, but she needed Sasuke to help her.

Sasuke seemed to seriously contemplate beating up on his former sensei. Finally he nodded and accepted the flowers and note from Ayame.

"Make sure he reads that note! Drop by the ramen stand later! Let me know how it goes! Free bowl on the house today!" Ayame yelled at his retreating form.

-…-…-…-…-…-

Iruka was in the middle of class when Sasuke rudely interrupted. "These are for you," he stated bluntly.

"Flowers? For me?" The kids in the class started giggling and Iruka's ears turned red.

"They're from the ramen girl."

"From Ayame? I want nothing more to do with her! Take them away!" He shoved the flowers back at Sasuke.

Sasuke removed the note from the basket and held it out for Iruka. "Just read the note then."

Iruka took the note and was about to rip it in half when he felt a cold hand clamping down on his arm. "I've been given instructions to make sure you read that note, no matter what." Sasuke then punctuated his threat by turning on his sharingan eyes. Poor Iruka started to sweat. He swallowed, hard, before nervously opening the note. _This kid's as crazy as his brother!_

_NOTE:_

_My dearest Iruka-kun,_

_Please forgive me, I swear there is nothing between me and Kakshi anymore! I made sure of it! _

_I love only you! _

_XOXOXOXOXOXO Ayame_

'_I made sure…" I can't believe she made such a decision without consulting me! Kakashi must have pressured her into it!_ Iruka mistakenly assumed that Ayame had terminated her pregnancy. "All right, I read it. Please leave my class now," he coldly said to Sasuke.

Sasuke shrugged, left the flowers on Iruka's desk and exited the classroom.

-…-…-…-…-…-

_Next up: Kakashi returns from his mission._


	11. Another: Part 4 Cupid

_**Part 4 – Cupid's Success**_

"Kakashi sensei is supposed to be back today. Maybe he can help," Sakura said, trying to be positive.

"I think he "helped" quite enough," said Naruto, trying hard not to laugh.

"Iruka sensei's not interested," said Sasuke bluntly when he arrived at Ichiraku.

Ayame looked close to tears. "What am I going to do?" she moaned.

"Try to be positive. Stress is not good for a woman in your condition…" said Sakura. _How pathetic, get yourself together!_

"Yeah, think of something positive… like names…" Naruto suggested.

"Names?" asked Ayame confused.

"Yeah, like what you're gonna name it, if it's a boy or girl…"

"Boy or girl?"

"You know, maybe a neutral non-gender name…"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Huh? Your baby of course! Now what would its family name be…Hatake, I guess…"

"WHAT! I'm NOT pregnant!" screamed Ayame as it dawned on her.

"You're not?" asked the three genins in unison.

"No! Where did you get that crazy idea?"

Sakura and Sasuke looked at Naruto.

"I, uh, overheard your dad and Kakashi sensei talking…"

"DAD!" yelled Ayame to the back of the stand where her father was taking an afternoon nap. "Who told you I was pregnant?"

"Kakashi sensei came over yesterday and…"

"That idiot! I'm NOT pregnant."

"You're not?"

"No!" screamed Ayame as passers-by stopped and stared. Ayame glared at them and screamed, "Tell everyone you know that I am NOT pregnant!"

-…-…-…-…-…-

"You! You! You just live to ruin my life! I hate you! What the hell did I ever see in you!"

Kakashi looked up from his book with a confused look in his eye. It was not unusual for strange women (and men!) to come up to him wondering the same thing. He struggled to recall what he could have possibly done this time to set her off. He had just returned from his mission, investigating a mysterious scroll (_see "The Resurrecting Scroll" in "Excerpts from Kakashi's Diary"_), and saw Ayame waiting for him at the door to his apartment.

"Huh?" he finally said.

"How could you tell my dad that I'm pregnant? And that you're the father? What the hell were you thinking, making up a story like that!

"You mean you're not pregnant?" Kakashi sighed in relief.

"No! I'm not! What made you think I was?"

"You said I ruined your life…"

"I was talking about my relationship with Iruka-sensei. He dumped me because I told him I slept with you. Biggest mistake of my life…"

"Going out with Iruka?" asked Kakashi, amused by the turn of events.

"No! Sleeping with you, idiot!"

He shrugged at her insult.

"You have to fix this. It's all your fault. Talk to Iruka sensei, convince him to take me back."

"I don't know if I can. It's really not my place to interfere…"

"You owe me! Use your…sharingan thingy… Do whatever it takes!"

"Well, I could hypnotize him into thinking he's in love with you if that's what you really want..."

"No! Don't! Don't do that. I want him to really love me. Not some genjutsu thingy." She sighed sadly, sniffed and started to cry.

_Oh no! I hate to see a woman cry._ "All right I'll speak to him immediately," Kakashi said sympathetically patting her on the shoulder.

"You will? I think he's been staying overnight at the Academy," she smiled. T_ears always work._

-…-…-…-…-

_I'm not being stubborn, I'm not! I'm not!_

_Then why are you spending another night in the teacher's lounge? Are you that afraid to face her? _

_If I face her I might lose my resolve._

_What resolve? To spend the rest of your life alone?_

_There are other fish in the sea._

_How many that don't want Kakashi? Do you know of any at all? Just make up with her. She said she loves you in that note. And you know, they say make-up sex is the best…_

Iruka's thoughts were then rudely interrupted.

"Hi there, Iruka sensei, I thought it's about time for us to have a friendly chat," said Kakashi, suddenly appearing before Iruka who was packing his lecture material.

"Kakashi sensei, I'm sorry, but I'm busy. Please excuse me," responded Iruka coldly, without looking at him.

"This will only take a minute…" Kakashi blocked the exit.

"You don't have anything to say that I would care to hear…" Iruka looked him in the eye.

Kakashi sighed and in a blink of an eye he had expertly tied Iruka to a chair. "Sorry, I didn't want to resort to this, but you're as stubborn as my genins."

"Let me go Kakashi or…" Iruka flushed angrily.

"Or what? You're a chuunin, I'm a jounin. Should I be scared of you?" Kakashi almost chuckled at the sight of poor Iruka struggling futilely. He didn't want to sound condescending, but Iruka had been acting like a child. "I'll let you go but you have to promise and sit there and listen until I'm done."

Iruka finally nodded. _It'll be a bit less humiliating that way,_ he thought.

Kakashi easily released the rope. "All right. Look, it's about the ramen girl."

"Ayame."

"Huh?"

"Her name is Ayame. You should address her appropriately considering the circumstances."

"That's what I'm here to discuss…"

"I can't believe you made her abort!" Iruka interjected angrily.

"Sigh, she was never pregnant! I can't believe how gossip gets around in this village. It's all a great big misunderstanding. She's not pregnant and she wants you, not me."

"She only wants me because she can't have you."

"Is that so bad?" asked Kakashi with a slight smile under his mask.

"I won't play second fiddle to anyone!"

"Anyone? Or just me?"

"What's that supposed to mean? You think you're so special…"

"Apparently you think I am."

"Huh?"

"It seems that you think about me a lot, don't you?"

"What? No, no I don't!"

"I think you're protesting a bit too much. Hmm, you are a great guy. I don't usually swing that way, but I might make an exception if you're interested…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Iruka stood up.

"Maybe you were only interested in the ramen girl because she was interested in me and she was just a proxy for me since you were unable to express your…" Kakashi continued coolly.

"What the hell are you saying?" Iruka was now shaking with fury. He clenched his fists and his teeth.

"You want me don't you?"

"What! No! Not at all! I love Ayame!"

"I see, so you do love her. Why didn't you just say that in the first place," Kakashi smiled at the chuunin and patted him on the shoulder. _I just love playing cupid._

Iruka started to calm down. "I guess I have been acting like an idiot." Iruka was very relieved that Kakashi was just joking around. _Wasn't he?_

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "It's not a competition. I don't have problems with your relationship with Naruto."

_That's right, Naruto likes me a lot more than he does Kakashi. He thinks Kakashi's lazy and weird. Maybe Ayame really does like me more._ Iruka started to feel better and was back to his usual self. "Thank you Kakashi sensei. I'll go make up with her immediately."

"That's good. Of course, if things don't work out, I'm still available." He gave Iruka a wink, then chuckled madly to himself as he disappeared in a blink of an eye.

-…-…-…-…-

Ino was still behind the counter in the flower shop, lazily doing calculations with a pencil and notepad. _How much did we rake in today…_

_When does she ever train?_ Iruka asked himself as he entered the store.

"Iruka sensei, long time no see. Have you found yourself another girl?"

"Huh? No, I…uh…"

"Too bad about that ramen girl getting knocked up by Kakashi sensei. I was really rooting for you, you know." _Kakashi sensei's too cheap to buy flowers_.

"She's not knocked up! I mean she's not pregnant. It was all a misunderstanding," Iruka responded heatedly.

"Oh. I see... Well, that's good, very good," smiled Ino. _That means they must be back together!_

"I need something to express my apologies…"

Ino smiled even more as her eyes turned into ryou signs.

-…-…-…-…-

It was already late and the ramen stand was about to close for the day. Iruka had returned home for a complete shower and shave. After having slept at the Academy for two nights, the usually meticulous chuunin really needed to make himself more presentable.

Iruka nervously walked up to the ramen stand mentally rehearsing his apology. Ayame was busy wiping down the counter in preparation for the next day when she heard him approach. "I'm sorry we're closed for the day…" she started to say before she looked up and saw Iruka holding two dozen long stemmed roses in an assortment of colors.

"I'm sorry Ayame-chan. I'm such an idiot. I don't care about your past with Kakashi sensei or any other man," Iruka said sheepishly while holding out the flowers.

"Do you mean that? Really? Not any of them?" Ayame asked as she came around the counter.

"Huh? How many…no forget it. Nothing matters except the two of us," Iruka insisted as she came closer. _She's so cute in her uniform…and out of it…_

"We'll never mention Kakashi ever again!" Ayame said happily as she threw her arms around Iruka's neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

But when she released Iruka, all he could say was "Well…did you really mean it when you said I was better than Kakashi? I mean…how was I better…exactly…"

Ayame's brow furrowed and the veins in her forehead pulsed as she grabbed the flowers from Iruka and hit him over the head with them, hard. The thorns scratched his face. "Take these flowers and give them to Kakashi! Apparently you think a lot more about him than you do about me!" Ayame yelled. More passers-by paused to watch the scene.

_Oh, crap, gossip in this village runs rampant! Now everyone will think I have a thing for Kakashi!_ groaned Iruka to himself. "I'm sorry, I swear I will never mention Kakashi again." Iruka smiled at Ayame, hoping to placate her. This time he grabbed her by the waist and gave her a long passionate kiss. _I will do everything I can so that she'll never think about Kakashi again!_

The crowd that had gradually accumulated started to clap and by the next day, it was known throughout Konoha that Iruka sensei and Ayame the ramen girl were back together ...and it was taboo to mention Kakashi's name in front of them.

_Thus ends the second episode in the life of the ramen girl._

-…-…-END-…-…-

_Author's Note: Was inspired to write this sequel after seeing the recent filler eps with MizukixIrukaxTsubaki implications. _


	12. Love Potion: Day 1

_Author's Notes: I have nothing against yaoi in general and I actually like LeexSakura._

**Love Potion #9.5**

_**Prologue:**_

"Are you sure this will work?" Sakura asked doubtfully.

"Yes, yes, I've been a medic-nin for ages. I know all about medicinal herbs and drug effects. I'm not as strong physically as Tsunade-sama, but in medicine I'm almost as strong," Shizune replied proudly.

"So how does this work?"

"It's basically a love potion, like genjutsu in a bottle. It contains various extracts of aphrodisiacs infused with chakra. My own recipe. Er…don't let this get out. I'm just doing you a favor since you think there's a chance Sasuke might leave the village to seek out Orochimaru. We must do what we can to keep him here," Shizune rationalized.

"So I just pour it in his drink?"

"Yes, the dosage should last about 48 hours, depending how much he drinks. I measured it out based on his approximate body weight. It's a…weaker concoction than what I use. I mean… you guys are still minors. Oh, and remember it's love at first sight, within 10 seconds from drinking the potion."

"Yes, I'll remember that," Sakura nodded with a smile. _(Inner Sakura: "Hell yeah! Finally, true love will prevail!)_ "So…you've used this yourself?"

"Me? Well…let's face it…I'm just not as attractive as Tsunade-sama. All I ever get are her leftovers. I get tired of that sometimes." Shizune blushed and shrugged in embarrassment. "But if you tell anyone…I'll hunt you down and make you fall in love with…Rock Lee!"

"No! Not him! Anyone but Fuzzy Eyebrows!" Sakura exclaimed, aghast. (_Inner Sakura: "No way! I'd rather French kiss a frog!)_

"Right, just so we understand each other…" Shizune gave Sakura her most threatening stare.

-…-…-…-…-

_**DAY 1**_

_**That night…**_

It was well after the dinner rush hour when Sasuke agreed to meet Sakura at Ichiraku. Sakura timed it so that Naruto would be long gone and wouldn't interfere with her desperate plan to get Sasuke to fall in love with her. The only other customer was Iruka sensei, who had been dating Ayame the ramen girl for a couple of months now. Iruka sat at the other end of the counter and waved at the two genin as they sat down. Sasuke nodded his greeting while Sakura said her salutations. Iruka then returned his attention to Ayame. They were engaged in silly sweet couple talk; Sakura observed jealously.

"Thanks for joining me for dinner, Sasuke-kun," said the obsessed pink haired girl with her best smile. (_Inner Sakura: "Can't wait to jump his bones!)_

"Feh, so what did you want to tell me?" Sasuke responded in his usual cold way.

"Umm, let's talk after we eat, okay? Dinner is on me."

Sasuke nodded cautiously while thinking, _'Is this another one of her lame attempts to get me to like her? Pathetic. The only way I'd be interested is if she were stronger than me. Hah, like that would ever happen in this lifetime or the next hundred thousand.'_ He glanced at the menu and ordered ramen with beef balls and a soda.

Sakura ordered the same thing but with green tea so their drinks wouldn't get mixed up.

"You can tell me what's on your mind while we wait for our food. Why waste time," the dark haired, dark eyed boy pointed out.

"Oh…uh…I just wanted to discuss doing something for…Kakashi-sensei's birthday next week." (_Inner Sakura: "Yeah! Nice save!)_

"Ask Naruto. I hate celebrations of any sort," Sasuke responded disinterestedly. He added to himself, '_Birthdays, death days, what's the difference? What's the point? Man was born to die.'_

"Well…you know how Naruto is. He'd just think of something stupid and perverted like jumping out of a big cake using his sexy no jutsu. Ugh!"

Sasuke shrugged, "Maybe Kakashi sensei would like that."

"Well, you must know him better than either of us. I mean, you trained with him for a month."

"We trained. Not talked. He doesn't feel the need to say unnecessary things like some people." He glared pointedly at her.

Before Sakura could think of a suitable reply, their food came. Sakura was sitting to Sasuke's right. She "accidentally" knocked over his chopsticks with her elbow. "Sorry," she said innocently. But as Sasuke bent down to get his chopsticks, Sakura poured the potion into his cup.

-…-…-…-

Iruka was feeling happy, happier than he had ever recalled feeling. Ever since his parents died he was alone in the world and even though he had people he cared about, his friends and his students, it wasn't the same as having a family or having someone special. Though it was true that Naruto was like a son to him, it was different and soon Naruto would be a grown adult and living his own life.

Iruka was certain that he loved Ayame, at least 95 percent certain. Still there was that 5 percent of uncertainly where he wondered whether she was truly the one for him and whether he truly did love her or was he just lonely and in love with idea of love. What if there were someone else out there for him whom he had yet to meet, or perhaps he had met that person but failed to notice it? These were the usual doubts of someone on the verge of a serious commitment, of someone cautious and earnest.

But as he watched her lithe form, unjustly covered by her plain restaurant robe, moving not quite gracefully about the ramen stand, he couldn't help but smile and stare. He thought about how soon, after closing time, she would return with him to his apartment and…

His thoughts were interrupted and his silly smile disappeared when he noticed her father staring at him and scowling. Her father did not like his daughter sleeping anywhere but her own bed, at home, under his watch. The old man stuck to his old fashion ideas about pre-marital sex and commitment.

A while back he had said seriously to Iruka, "A relationship is like a bowl of noodles. Some noodles are short and others are long and though you may not like the short noodles, they're too difficult to separate out so you have to compromise and eat it anyway because you paid for it." Iruka had just smiled and nodded, not really comprehending his point.

But now Iruka sheepishly looked down at his noodles. _'Why doesn't he like me? I'm such a great guy. Ayame says he does but it sure doesn't seem like it...'_

He reached out to take a sip of his sake when he noticed it was a dark brown syrupy bubbly drink rather than the clear aromatic liquid he expected.

Iruka called out, "Ayame-chan, where's my sake? This cup has soda in it."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have gotten your drink mixed up with…" Ayame spied Sasuke's cup and quickly switched it with Iruka's. "Good thing Sasuke didn't drink any. I'd get in trouble serving alcohol to a minor."

Sasuke looked up from retrieving his chopsticks.

"Ha-ha, that's right, I'd have to report you," Iruka teased then quickly downed his sake before Sakura could say anything.

Sakura was horrified! She was about to warn Iruka but was too embarrassed to say anything and she figured Iruka already loved Ayame, so drinking a love potion wouldn't matter. But now she didn't know what to do about Sasuke_. 'Damn it to hell! What do I do now? I don't' really have anything to keep his attention…and I don't have any of that potion left…_' Then she heard a greeting.

-…-…-…-

Kakashi was walking by the ramen stand, with his littleorange book in hand, when out of the corner of his exposed right eye he saw his two little teammates sitting together_. 'How cute, looks like Sakura is trying to put the moves on Sasuke again. Ha-ha, this is a perfect opportunity to tease them!' _he thought mischievously.

"Hi you guys!" Kakashi said in greeting.

Everyone turned his/her head to look at Kakashi…

Bam! It was as if lightning struck! Iruka seeing stars, hearing bells, smelling roses, he sat frozen to his seat, unable to raise his hand to wave or even to raise his voice to reply. He just watched as Kakashi spoke to his genin then waved his farewell in his impossibly cool way. Then Sasuke got up abruptly and left with his face flushed. Sakura hurried after Sasuke while apologizing to him and cursing Kakashi. Ayame ran after Sakura who hadn't paid the bill for the untouched ramen and drinks. But the chaos was lost on the drugged chuunin who was now lost in his own thoughts.

'_Now I understand why all women fall for him, so handsome and cool even with the mask,'_ he thought romantically and sighed.

-…-…-…-…-

_**Later that night…**_

As Iruka walked with Ayame, arms linked together, back to his place he found himself not thinking about the pretty young woman by his side, but about the annoying gray haired jounin. The couple had a tacit agreement not to mention Kakashi after the last fiasco when Iruka had mistakenly thought Ayame was pregnant with Kakashi's baby, but now Iruka could contain his curiosity no longer.

"Umm, I hope you don't mind me bringing this up but…what does Kakashi sensei look like behind his mask?"

"Hmm? Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious, like everyone else." He blushed slightly.

"Well…" Ayame didn't want to hurt Iruka's feelings by saying how better looking Kakashi was than he, but neither did she want to lie to him. "He just has a scar running down his left eye but the rest of his face is not marked. His nose is a bit more narrow than yours and his chin is stronger, cheekbones more defined, and his mouth is…" Ayame started to drift off daydreaming about Kakashi's luscious lips compared to Iruka's thinner ones. "…just dreamy…" she sighed. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that yours…you know I love only you!" Ayame shook herself out of her reverie.

But instead of being jealous, Iruka was putting together Kakashi's face as Ayame described it_. 'Yes, I can almost picture it. If only I could see if for myself. I have to see it for myself!' _he resolved.

"Hey, are you still paying attention?" Ayame shook Iruka's arm a bit roughly.

"Oh, yes I am, please continue."

"Umm, that's about it," she replied while thinking, _'Then there's his body…'_

'_I wonder what his body's like. But it would be too weird if I ask her that.'_ Instead Iruka just nodded absently in response.

-…-…-…-

_**Later, later that night…**_

"What's wrong? You can't seem to get it up today…" Ayame frowned as she tried another technique to arouse her paramour who lay flat on the bed.

"I…I must be tired. Tough day at the academy. Those brats can really give me a work out," Iruka explained, but thought to himself, _'Damn, what is it with me tonight? Ever since seeing Kakashi at the ramen stand I've been…distracted. I've never had this problem before…' _Then an idea came to him.

"Would you mind closing your left eye?" he suggested to Ayame.

"Huh?

"Maybe you can wear my forehead protector and your kerchief to cover the lower half of your face…"

"Umm, sure, but why?" She looked at him quizzically.

"Er… I thought cosplay might be fun," Iruka tried this excuse.

"So… I'm a… bandit?"

"Yeah that's it…a bandit."

"Oh, cool!" Ayame laughed.

To Iruka's relief, she was the type who didn't mind experimenting, and she was not too quick on the uptake. "And maybe later you can bleach your hair…"

-…-…-…-…-

_**Much later that night…**_

'_Damn, that didn't help. I can't stop thinking of him. What's wrong with me? I don't swing that way…do I? I never tried it so how would I know? Well, there was that one time with Mizuki, but we were just genin and it was just curiosity… But…I want kids! I guess I can always adopt…but what the hell am I thinking?'_

The disillusioned chuunin looked fondly over at the sleeping form beside him. '_She's awfully cute. But not too bright or worldly. In ten or twenty years or even two or maybe next week, will I have anything to say to her? Conversation is already a bit of a stretch. All she and her father ever talk about are articles from the "Ramen and Sake" magazine. I can't really discuss my missions with her because of the confidentiality rules. Maybe I should go for a kunoichi, but they're all so bitchy. But Kakashi's interesting. He's cool and mysterious. I wish I knew him better.'_

Iruka started thinking about his last encounter with Kakashi where Kakashi had tied him to a chair in order to explain Ayame was not pregnant with his child. Kakashi had also implied that Iruka was too interested in him. Iruka had hotly denied it, but now he wondered if it were true. Maybe his envy of Kakashi was something more. In any case he couldn't continue with Ayame if he had these uncertain feelings.

The honorable shinobi decided to break up with his girl and take some time to sort out his feelings.

-…-…-…-

_Next up: Iruka dumps Ayame and pursues Kakashi._


	13. Love Potion: Day 2

**DAY 2**

_**Morning…**_

The next morning, the wired chuunin continued to ruminate while cooking eggs in the frying pan_. 'How can I break up with her without hurting her? It would be easier if she were to break up with me, but that seems unlikely_,' he thought to himself as he looked over at the smiling young woman seated at the breakfast table. _'But Kakashi got her to dump him by being a jerk. Or maybe he was just acting. Damn, he's so smart! But I can't act like that. That would ruin my nice guy reputation. Sigh, I guess there's no way but the direct way.'_

After a quiet breakfast Iruka broached the subject. "About last night…"

"That's all right. I'm sure it happens to every guy at least once…or twice," she replied comfortingly.

"No, it's more than that. It's us…I think it's not working out."

"What!" Her smiling face fell instantly.

"It's not you…it's me…" Iruka explained lamely. "I'm just not sure of my feelings any more…"

"What! Did I do something wrong? You just told me you loved me the other day? Was that a lie?"

"Well…I thought I did, but now I don't know…"

"What changed? What happened?" she demanded.

"I…I'm not sure. It's just that since last night…"

"I told you that didn't matter to me…"

"No, it was just before that. I can't explain it. Since dinner last night…I've just been feeling…strange…" _'Not that there's anything wrong with that,_' Iruka insisted to himself.

"Is there someone else?" Ayame's women's intuition suddenly kicked in.

"Huh? No! No one else…not really," denied Iruka weakly.

"Tell me dammit! I deserve that much, don't I, Mr. Nice Guy, NOT!" Ayame demanded angrily.

Iruka sighed and scratched his head in embarrassment. But the honest chuunin answered, "I think I have feelings for Kakashi…"

"You have got to be kidding! How…why…"

"I don't know why…all of a sudden I saw him walking by the ramen stand last night and the moon was reflecting off his hair and it gave him this silver halo and he just looked so…I think I need some time to sort things out…" Iruka trailed off, blushed and shrugged.

Ayame started to cry. "I can't believe this… I knew I could never compete with a kunoichi…but I never thought…Kakashi…what the hell… I guess I can't compete with him either…" she sobbed. "But don't expect me to be waiting around for you to get your head on straight. And don't expect extra ramen toppings ever again!"

Her tears like acid burned his heart. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, carry her back to bed, but something alien was holding him back. Some great external force he could not fight. In his confusion, he did nothing, said nothing.

'_Dammit tears didn't work!'_ To save what little dignity she had, Ayame stopped crying, stood up, gathered her things in silence and left.

-…-…-…-

'_Kakashi again! It's like he's fated to ruin my life! Damn him! I wish there were a way to get rid of him…_' Ayame contemplated her options. On her paycheck, she could not afford to hire someone to assassinate Kakashi. If only he had a dangerous enemy she could seek out. But she knew her thoughts of killing Kakashi were just an over reaction to the situation. She did not really want him dead. She just did not want him with Iruka. '_If I can't have Iruka…then no one can! Especially NOT Kakashi!_' she resolved to herself. _'But if I really love Iruka, I should want him to be happy. Am I being selfish? So what if I am? I want him and Kakashi can't have him! Over my dead body...no, not mine...that would be bad...over their dead bodies...no, not Iruka's, then I would have no one...over Kakashi's dead body...but I don't really want him dead...' _

Her father knew immediately that something was wrong as soon as he saw his daughter walk by the ramen stand, forgetting where it was. He called out to her then she turned back around and sadly sagged over to a seat, burying her head in her arms on top of the counter.

"Problems with Iruka-sensei?" her father asked as delicately as he could, which wasn't very.

"He dumped me again!" she sobbed. She could not bring herself to add that it was for Kakashi.

Her father sighed, not surprised. After all, why pay for the toppings if you can get the ramen for free?

-…-…-…-

_**Lunchtime**_

Naruto looked at his bowl of ramen in dismay. Instead of the well organized bowl of noodles he was used to, the toppings were haphazardly mixed in with the noodles and the noodles were the crappy short ones from the dregs. And Ayame had glared at him dangerously.

'_What's with that look? Did I do something?'_ he wondered, then sniffed himself to make sure it wasn't B.O.

After most of the lunch clientele had left, Naruto was still eating his sixth bowl of noodles. No matter how crummy it looked, to his relief it still tasted the same. Finally, he asked for the bill. Ayame slammed it on the counter causing his chopsticks and bowl to clatter.

"Hey, hey miss, what's the problem here? I'm one of your best customers and you're treating me like something you stepped on!"

"You…you men are all alike! Your sensei is a complete bastard!"

"Kakashi sensei?" Naruto automatically assumed since Iruka sensei was such a great guy.

"Both of them! I can't believe I got dumped for Kakashi!"

"Huh? You got dumped? For Kakashi sensei? How…you're a girl and he's a guy…I don't get it…You mean you got dumped so Kakashi sensei could go out with you?"

"No! Iruka dumped me so he could go out with Kakashi!"

"Wait…Iruka-sensei dumped you…for Kakashi sensei? That doesn't make sense at all!" The enormity and preposterousness of the situation was almost too much for his simple mind to handle. "Why?" he finally asked.

"That's what I want to know! What do you think? I mean you're close to the two of them, right?"

"Well…" Naruto thought about it hard. He wasn't so naïve that he didn't know that some people preferred the same gender, but at the same time he couldn't understand it either. Girls were so much prettier, with smooth skin, soft hair, and nicer curves. He couldn't understand it at all…except…there was that one thing…

"You know…Kakashi sensei has better skin than you. It's fairer and smoother from what I can tell. And your hair is always…greasy looking, probably from the oil and heat from cooking…"

Ayame frowned. She was not appreciating this critique at all.

"…and of course…er…from what I understand…not having had any experience you know…guys have the same…equipment…maybe guys know better…how to make a guy…feel good?" Naruto stammered his explanation with a red face.

Realization dawned on the desperate young woman. "That's it! That must be it! Thank you Naruto-kun! I know exactly what I should do now." She grabbed a coupon good for one free ramen and flung it at Naruto while calling out, "Dad take over, I'll be back…some time."

-…-…-…-

Of course now that Naruto knew, soon most of Konoha would know. He purposely sought out Sakura first to tell her the latest gossip. He bumped into her near the grocery store where she was running an errand for her mother.

"Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, guess what?" But the enthusiastic blonde could not wait for a reply but burst out, "Iruka sensei is in love with Kakashi sensei!"

(_Innner Sakura: "What the hell!)_ Sakura was doubly horrified! She immediately knew it was all her fault but she did not want to admit it. _'Iruka sensei's in love with Kakashi sensei! Can things be any worse? If they find out it's my fault… But it's only supposed to last a couple of days… on Sasuke. Iruka-sensei must weight at least 50 percent more…so maybe the effects will wear off by tomorrow morning. What can happen in less than 24 hours?'_

"I…I'm sure it's all a mistake," Sakura offered. "Iruka sensei and the ramen girl are probably just having some relationship issues. Maybe they're using Kakashi sensei as an excuse not to communicate," Sakura said wisely.

"Hmm…that would make sense…I mean Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei together? No way!"

"That's right, just look at the books Kakashi-sensei reads. It's a guy chasing a girl, right? Not a guy chasing a guy!"

"You're absolutely right! There must be some misunderstanding. Whew! I was really concerned there for a while," Naruto said in relief. "I mean what if Iruka-sensei was so nice to me and buying me ramen all the time because he was interested…"

"Ugh! Just stop right there!" (_Inner Sakura: "That's disgusting to the max!)_ Sakura raised her hands to cover her ears. It was bad enough picturing Iruka with Kakashi, but Iruka with Naruto was just too much for her delicate mind to handle.

-…-…-…-

Kakashi was having a nice lazy oblivious day with no missions. It was his errand day and he had just returned home from picking up his dry cleaning and groceries. While storing away his extra shirts, he heard a desperate knock at the door. He opened it to find the ramen girl standing there with her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright, and her chest heaving.

-…-…-…-

Iruka spent most of the day in a depression. Luckily it was the weekend and there were no classes so he was free to just lie in bed and do nothing but angst about his life_. 'I don't like this feeling of being alone. These past couple of months… I miss Ayame. No, I miss having someone here with me. I wonder what Kakashi's doing. I wonder if he likes being alone. I wonder if he would like some company. Maybe I should drop by to say hi. But I need an excuse, I can't just drop by. His birthday is next week, but I can't wait that long! I have to see him!' _

The lovesick chuunin had repeatedly replayed their last conversation in his mind:

_Kakashi: "It seems that you think about me a lot, don't you?"_

_Iruka: "What? No, no I don't!"_

_Kakash: "I think you're protesting a bit too much. Hmm, you are a great guy. I don't usually swing that way, but I might make an exception if you're interested…"_

'_He must like me or he wouldn't have said what he said, especially about making an exception for me,' _Iruka rationalized_. 'I have to do something to let him know how I feel…' _

Finally he got out of bed, showered, dressed, then left with a clear plan. Iruka first dropped by the flower shop where Ino was trying hard to use her mind confusion technique on an aphid, wondering if it would work on Shino's bugs.

"I'd like a bouquet of violet, blue, and yellow flowers," her frequent customer said while blushing and recalling the flowers Ayame had sent him a month ago.

"Is it for a guy?" Ino asked brightly.

"Huh? No, just for myself, to brighten up my apartment," Iruka explained unconvincingly.

"Oh really?" Ino said suspiciously. She had already heard from Naruto about Iruka's crush (though Naruto believed Sakura's reasoning, the rumor was just too good not to repeat). But since running the flower shop, she'd seen stranger things, and Kakashi got flowers from all sorts of people, of all ages, gender, races, creeds, and even species (summoned animals received a 10 percent discount).

-…-…-…-…-

As Iruka approached Kakashi's apartment building, he saw Ayame leaving, presumably for work as it was near the dinner hour. A peculiar pang of jealousy ran through him, but who was he jealous of? Kakashi or Ayame?

Though confused, the persistent chuunin continued with his plan and knocked on the door of the one he desired. The gray haired jounin quickly answered, expecting that Ayame had returned for seconds.

"Iruka sensei?" Kakashi said in surprise.

"Yeah, umm, hi...here…er…these are for you," Iruka stammered in embarrassment as he thrust the bouquet of flowers at his superior.

"Me?" Kakashi's eye widened even more.

"H…happy birthday!"

"That's next week."

"But then you wouldn't be surprised."

'_I'm surprised enough already,'_ Kakashi thought. _'Strange that Ayame dropped by with a proposition…What's going on with these two?' _But he took the flowers anyway.

"I've been thinking…about what you said to me last time…" Iruka started to say.

"Hmm?" Kakashi tried hard to remember the last time he spoke at length with the chuunin.

"About my…interest in you…I think it might be true…"

"Huh?" Kakashi raised his eyebrow, now recalling the topic of their last conversation. _'Oh crap, I was just making a joke! Me and my big mouth!_'

"I think you're right, I do have feelings for you and it's time I admitted it. I've broken off with Ayame…" Iruka forced himself to look into Kakashi's eye, anticipating his response. He also noted to himself that Kakashi's apartment was nice and neat, the way he kept his own place. Ayame tended to throw her stuff everywhere. Kakashi was definitely better!

Kakashi was so stunned he couldn't think of anything to say to the blushing young man.

"…and you said if it didn't work out… you were available…" Iruka's face was so red, it looked as if he just fell face forward into a pool of blood.

Kakashi sighed and scratched his head, trying to maintain his cool, but desperately thinking of how to handle this awkward situation. _'Well…I've never been involved with a couple before… no... wait, actually I was, but that was at the same time under consensual but less peculiar circumstances…"_

"Why don't you come in and have a seat," Kakashi finally said. He decided to address this issue of Iruka and the ramen girl once and for all. He did not like being caught in the middle of their madness. Ayame had not mentioned anything wrong with her relationship with Iruka, except for the problem with Iruka's sexual dysfunction, which Kakashi patiently tutored her on resolving.

He placed the flowers on his little dining table while thinking, _'Sigh, more flowers, why don't people realize I've got allergies and that's why I wear this mask...'_

He decided to take the psych-analytical approach. "So when did you realize…your feelings?" Kakashi asked the younger man.

"Just yesterday, after your visit to the ramen stand." Iruka's eyes looked down and his hands fidgeted in his lap.

"Did you do anything peculiar that day?"

"No, everything was normal."

"How did you feel…about the ramen girl, the day before?"

"I was thinking that I loved her, but was unsure whether she's really the one for me. I mean, have you ever had a real conversation with her? All she talks about is ramen!"

"No, I can't say I've spoken to her at length," mused Kakashi, who was normally not interested in conversation with women but rather just bedtime. "Are you sure this is not some…unconscious reaction to your uncertainty? That you've transferred your feelings from her to me as an excuse, a reason to end your relationship with the ramen girl."

"Well, I thought about that, but…why you? I mean, quite honestly, I used to think you were rather annoying and insensitive. You can't even remember Ayame's name…"

"That's the crux of the problem isn't it? What was it that…attracted you?" Kakashi continued, ignoring the insult and thinking the situation was stranger by the minute.

"I…I'm not sure. I was sitting at the ramen stand and was feeling pretty happy, I think, and was about to eat my ramen and drink my sake…then you came by and all of a sudden I saw you in a different light. Maybe it was the moonlight. It was reflecting off your hair and made you look…ethereal," Iruka blushed again.

'_Hmm…I know I'm cool and all, but something sounds suspicious_,' Kakashi thought then asked, "So when did you break off with the ramen girl?"

"This morning, after I thought about it all night. I mean, it's not fair to her, you know. Why are you asking me all these questions? I just told you how I feel…are you interested or not?" Iruka asked heatedly, wanting very badly to jump Kakashi's bones as he recalled how iridescently silver Kakashi's gray hair looked under moonlight. The normally gray haired jounin paced across the room thoughtfully as Iruka sat impatiently.

"So everything was fine up to the point when I dropped by the ramen stand?" Kakashi rubbed his chin while interrogating the poor confused man.

"Yes!"

"Did you eat or drink anything?"

"I was about to eat my ramen and I just drank my sake..."

"Do you normally drink sake with your ramen?"

"No, but I was feeling a bit stressed. The kids at the Academy…"

"Did the sake taste…odd?"

"I don't think so. It's the regular cheap stuff they serve under the counter to regular customers since they don't really have a liquor license. Boy, they could have been in real trouble if Sasuke had drank my sake…"

"Sasuke?"

"Yeah, Ayame accidentally switched our drinks…but enough talk…" Iruka abruptly stood up from his seat and approached Kakashi directly. Kakashi backed away until his back was up against the wall. "Let's see what's under that mask..." Iruka said huskily as his hands reached up toward Kakashi's mask.

_'Geez, I know I should stop him, but I don't want to hurt him, and he is awfully cute like this, naïve yet impulsive, just like the ramen girl_...' Kakashi thought, but raised his hands to stop Iruka's. "I think we'd better discuss this some more..."

"Less talk, more action," murmured Iruka as his face neared Kakashi's even as his hands were held away.

Kakashi's hands were locked around Iruka's wrists. If he had wanted to, the jounin could have easily snapped them. But what exactly did he want?

Iruka's face came closer and closer. Kakashi could feel the lovesick chuunin's hot breath tingling his bit of exposed skin, and his body pressing hard onto his. Luckily they were both wearing their usual uniforms and the thick shinobi vests prevented them from feeling much much more. Kakashi didn't flinch away as Iruka's teeth made contact with his mask, trying to pull it down. The currently still masked shinobi was close, quite close to giving in, but...then he noticed Iruka's eyes. His pupils were constricted; he was not himself; this was not what he wanted.

Kakashi channeled chakra into his hands, caused a shock to Iruka's system, and pushed him away. Iruka felt a sharp pain in his head, and a shudder through his body. He grabbed his head with both hands and groaned. Alarmed, Kakashi helped him back to the chair.

Iruka took several deep breaths until the pain subsided. Now that the pain was gone, so was the cloud that had enveloped his mind for the past 20 hours.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked as he handed his potential paramour a glass of water.

"Yeah, I think so... thanks." Iruka slowly drank the water while thinking,_ 'What is wrong with me? What am I doing? I love Ayame, not Kakashi... I think...no I'm sure!'_

"I...I'm sorry Kakashi sensei, I don't know what came over me. I do love Ayame...you're right, I was just using you to avoid commitment," said Iruka sheepishly, grabbing onto the most logical explanation.

Kakashi quickly nodded in agreement, "Yes, I know, I was just testing you to see how far you'd go. Ha-ha."

"I'm glad you understand. Don't mention this to anyone, okay?" Iruka pled and added to himself, _'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'_

"Right, who would I tell?" Kakashi readily agreed and added to himself, _'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'_

-…-…-…-…-

Iruka returned morosely to his empty apartment. His stomach rumbled loudly. He had not eaten anything all day, but still he ignored his stomach's complaints. Instead he lay in bed again with his hands behind his head, just thinking. _'What the hell is wrong with me? How can I love Ayame one minute, then Kakashi, then Ayame? Am I sure now? Would she take me back again after I dumped her twice? Geez, this is going to cost me a huge amount in flowers. At least Ino will be happy.' _

Then he remembered how he saw Ayame leaving Kakashi's abode. '_What was she doing at Kakashi's? She didn't sleep with him again did she? I can't believe it, she did it again! Just to get back at me? Or maybe she's actually happy we broke up so she could go back to Kakashi. Maybe that's why Kakashi wasn't interested...he was already tired from... I can't believe her! What a slut! But I did break up with her, so who am I to judge? I bet she did it to get back at me. Damn it! I really screwed up this time!' _

The poor chuunin continued to berate himself but also his ex-paramour for her indiscretions_. 'Why doesn't she ever think before she acts…wait, that's the problem…she does think but her way of thinking usually leads to trouble…but that's what makes her special isn't it?' _

Iruka began to itemize the ramen girl's good points and bad points: _'Good: She's cute. She can cook. She's nice. She likes kids. She's good with kids. Her hips are big enough to have kids…She laughs at my jokes, well, when she gets it. She makes me feel smart and confident…usually…except when it comes to Kakashi. She has a good body, good in bed, and is willing to...experiment... Bad: She's not the sharpest point on a shuriken. Kind of spacey. Conversation's about as deep as a teaspoon of water. She's obsessed with ramen. She was obsessed with Kakashi, well, I was obsessed with Kakashi too, so I guess that cancels out. She's impulsive and does strange things like those clothes she wore on our first date. She's limited to civilian techniques...'_

The scales tipped back and forth with no resolution. Finally Iruka gave up, got up and rummaged through the refrigerator for some food. All he had was a container of ramen leftover from the previous night that Ayame had packed him. '_Sigh, I'm willing to eat just ramen for the rest of my life if she'll take me back_,' he thought as he heated up the ramen in his microwave. When he opened the container he saw that she had arranged the toppings into a misshapen heart. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the silly expression of affection. He tried to eat the noodles from under the toppings, hoping not to disturb the funny valentine, but alas like their relationship, it fell apart.

Later that night, Iruka was trying hard to work on his lesson plans for the upcoming week. He found his thoughts not focused on the parabolic paths of kunai but on how much brighter the nights and mornings were when Ayame stayed over, even defying her father for him. He gave up on accomplishing any work and was thinking of going back to bed when there was a persistent knock at the door. _'This late? Who could it be? I hope it's anyone but Kakashi...'_

It was the ramen girl who had just gotten off work.

Iruka immediately apologized, "Ayame-chan, I'm sorry, I…"

But she cut him off with a hard kiss, her hands circled tightly around his neck pulling him down. After releasing his lips she said seductively, "Let's not talk now, I have some things I want to show you…"

-insert your own very hardcore lemon-

-…-…-…-…-

_Next up: What Ayame was really doing with Kakashi._


	14. Love Potion: End

-…-…-…-…-

_**What Ayame was doing with Kakashi**_

Before she spoke to Naruto, Ayame had intended to have it out with the obstacle in her path to happiness. Screaming at Kakashi would solve nothing but it usually made her feel a bit better. But now she amended her plan. '_So that's why Iruka dumped me. It's not really because he's in love with Kakashi, but I'm just not adequate in bed. I thought things were going really well but…maybe it's like the time with Kakashi. I thought he was the one who was boring, but it's not him, it's me. I'm the problem. Like Naruto says, I don't have enough experience with male equipment. But Kakashi does, I can get him to tutor me! Then I'll win back Iruka from him. Hope I get to him before Iruka does!' _

Ayame scoured Kakashi's usual haunts, looking for the gray haired jounin to put her plan into action. First she checked the Hokage's building for the mission log (he was not on active duty today), then his apartment (no answer), then the bookstore, and the grocery store. The clerks at the latter two establishments did see Kakashi earlier, but each time she had just missed him. Her frustration grew and grew. But then she decided to wait for him back at his apartment and lo and behold he was already home!

Before Kakashi could express his surprise, Ayame launched into her pitch, "You have to help me! You're the only one who can help save my relationship with Iruka!'

"I'm sorry, but please don't involve me anymore…" Kakashi started to say in his apathetic way.

"You're the only other shinobi I know well enough to ask and you owe me!" Ayame insisted, punctuating her point with her index finger jabbing at Kakashi's chest.

"I owe you?"

"Yes! For telling everyone I was pregnant! My customers are still hazing me: 'So when's the bun ready? I didn't know you could bake too. I'd like some bread with my ramen…"

"Yeah, er, sorry about all that…"

"So you'll help me?"

"Sigh, fine, whatever you want…"

"I want you to tutor me…in shinobi love…"

"Huh?"

"Well, I figure you can't possibly be as boring in bed as you were when I slept with you, so it must be because you're used to kunoichi."

Kakashi sighed again and asked, "So what brought this up?"

"I'm having some problems with Iruka related to…bedroom problems…" Ayame said with a blush, but with determination, her eyes maintained contact with Kakashi's.

-…-…-…-

"Yes, that's it, take it all the way in. Don't worry about gagging, you'll get used to it… And don't forget about the other hand… yeah that's good… Now faster… slower…faster, that's it…Mmm hmmm…Pretty soon you'll be a pro…Oh…no…don't do that!"

Kakashi watched in horror as Ayame bit off the head of the banana and squashed the fuzzy peaches in her hand.

"A bit more gently next time," he reprimanded as he handed her another banana.

-…-…-

_Five minutes ago:_

"_You see, I came prepared," Ayame said as she lifted up a brown grocery bag to show her new sensei. She took out a bunch of bananas, a dozen peaches of various sizes, and a few cucumbers. The obsessed young woman contemplated for a bit before selecting two bananas and four peaches. "These are about your size and these are about Iruka's…"_

_Kakashi was pleased to see his banana was a bit longer and thicker but then again Iruka's peaches were bigger..._

-…-…-…-…-

_**True Love Prevails**_

"Wow, that was really something. Where did you learn those techniques?" Iruka asked his love as they cuddled after a marathon sex session. It was wonderful having her back in his arms again. He didn't even mind that her clothes were strewn all over the room.

'_Can't tell him about Kakashi or he might get mad at me… or he might want Kakashi again,'_ Ayame thought to herself, then said aloud, "I've been reading the 'Icha Icha' books. I figured since you have a thing for Kakashi, maybe those books would help me understand why."

"I don't have a thing for Kakashi, " Iruka protested defensively, "it was just a temporary state of…insanity, I think, brought on by stress, but this sure helped me de-stress." Like most men in Konoha, Iruka had the entire Icha set, but hidden away under his bed. He didn't want to admit it until now.

Iruka guiltily thought about how he had assumed Ayame was naive, not worldly, obsessed only with ramen, reading only ramen articles, but now...

'_If she can learn this stuff from those books, she must be pretty smart… and interesting…we'll have something to talk about...I really do love her!_' Iruka thought happily as his reservations fell away. He held his love tighter and said, "Maybe we can read those books together…"

-…-…-…-

_**Epilogue:**_

The next day, after training with his team, Kakashi asked Sakura to stay behind. Naruto gave her a "good luck" look before he made himself scarce while Sasuke just left.

"I think we need to have a little talk," Kakashi said ominously.

"About what sensei?" she replied innocently. _(Inner Sakura: "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE NOW!")_

"About what you put in Sasuke…or rather Iruka sensei's drink the other day."

"I don't know what you mean," Sakura weakly responded.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Kakashi put his left hand on his forehead protector over his sharingan. "Now who gave you that love potion?"

"I…I'll tell you but don't let her know, please!"

Kakashi nodded thoughtfully_. 'I thought it must be a medic-nin or someone well versed in medicinal herbs. So now I know it's female. That narrows it down to just a handful of people who also know Sakura. Of those, whom would she approach who would be willing to help her…'_

"Shizune," Kakashi said confidently.

"How did you know?" asked Sakura in surprise.

"I didn't, but now I do." He added to himself_, 'It's always the quiet ones…I'll have to watch out for her…'_

"She's not going to get into trouble is she?" (_Inner Sakura: "NO! FUZZY EYEBROWS!")_ Sakura was actually more worried about herself, or rather what Shizune would do to her.

"No. No harm done really. Just don't try it again. Just think what could have happened if Sasuke had drunk it and it wasn't you he fell for but…Naruto." Kakashi purposely left himself out of the equation. The thought of him and Sasuke was just too disturbing to voice.

"Naruto? Ugh!" said Sakura_. (Inner Sakura: "Just stick a kunai into my brain and dig out that thought!")_

"Let's just forget about this incident and never, ever mention it ever again," her sensei warned. But Kakashi added to himself_, 'No harm done except I can never be in the same room with Iruka again, ever.'_ Which luckily wasn't too difficult as the two traveled in different circles and had very little to do with each other.

Sakura was more than happy to oblige.

-...-...-...-

Thus ends the third episode in "The Life of the Ramen Girl."

-...-...-...-

_Author's notes: The title is after the popular song "Love Potion #9" and the 0.5 refers to the potion at half strength._

_"Transformation Trouble" (in progress): Iruka thinks of proposing to Ayame but wants to be 100 percent sure she's over Kakashi. Naruto suggests a test..._


	15. TT: The Trouble with Henge

**TRANSFORMATION TROUBLES**

_**A TALE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE**_

_**The Trouble with Henge**_

On another sunny afternoon in Konoha, Umino Iruka walked absent-mindedly from the Academy building, unaware of another dark cloud on the horizon. He was thinking seriously about his relationship with the ramen girl, right on the precipice of asking her to marry him. Iruka was now 99 percent sure that he loved Ayame and that she was the only one for him. But that single percentage point kept him from taking the leap. If only it were socially acceptable for a woman to make the proposal. But that would make him look like a wimp. Even worse, he was supposed to be the fearless, strong shinobi, whose duty was to protect the civilians. How would it look if he weren't the one who proposed?

The cautious chuunin also thought about Ayame's feelings. Used to being analytical and teaching the physics of weaponry at the Academy, he tried to quantitate not only his love for her, but hers for him. He felt that she loved him about 95 percent though sometimes while cuddling in bed, he would increase that figure to about 98 percent, but it wasn't the 100 that he required.

That 2-5 percent, though he tried to deny it and ignore it, was still because of Kakashi. He had seen Ayame leave Kakashi's apartment building that time when Iruka sought to visit the gray haired shinobi. Though it was over a month ago, it stuck in his mind and he wondered exactly why she was there. She had not mentioned it at all and he was too afraid to ask.

"Hey hey Iruka sensei!" Naruto called out after the pensive young man who walked right by him without saying hello.

"Huh? Oh, it's you, Naruto, hi."

"That's probably the crappiest hello you've ever given me!" Naruto complained, not realizing that something was wrong with the usually chipper chuunin.

"Sorry, I just have something on my mind…in fact…do you have a minute?" Iruka asked distractedly.

"Sure, what's up? How about we talk about it over ramen, your treat?" Naruto suggested hopefully.

"No, no ramen…"

"What? Why not!" Naruto asked in a panic.

"I need to talk about Ayame…"

"Ayame?"

"The ramen girl!"

"Oh, yeah, so how's that going? I thought you guys were getting along great. Hey, you're not thinking about Kakashi sensei again are you?" Naruto asked, thinking of the rumor from a month ago that implied Iruka had a crush on Kakashi.

"What the hell are you saying? No! This has nothing to do with Kakashi! Wait…it does, but it's not what you think!" responded Iruka defensively, blushing a deep shade of red.

"Uh, huh…" Naruto gave Iruka a doubtful look.

"Look, I'm think about proposing to Ayame…"

"Proposing? Proposing what? Like a new menu item? I think twice cooked shredded pork would make a great ramen topping and…" Naruto interrupted, thinking desperately of lunch.

"No! I meant proposing marriage. Just be quiet and let me finish."

Naruto shrugged and finally stopped interrupting.

"I've been thinking of asking her to marry me, but I can't help but think that deep down she still prefers Kakashi. I mean, I'm about 95 to 98 percent sure about us but I'd like to be 100 percent sure that she doesn't want Kakashi anymore…"

"So what? Who cares about the math? You're not like teaching a class or something. Kakashi sensei isn't interested in her…" Naruto couldn't help saying.

"Not now but what if he changes his mind?"

"I doubt it, he's got his books to keep him happy, right? But…hey I've got a great idea!"

Iruka should have known better. He should have turned around right then and there and escaped from Naruto's annoying screechy voice. After all, Naruto's great ideas usually led to trouble.

-…-…-…-…-

"Okay, I'll transform to Kakashi sensei and then hit on the ramen girl. You watch from here…" Naruto said as the two viewed the ramen stand from behind a tree.

"Wait…you don't have to do this, I can do this myself…" Iruka started to have serious reservations about Naruto's plan.

"Do you really think you can keep your cool if she shows she still likes Kakashi sensei?"

"Well…no I guess not…but here, wear the radio transmitter so I can listen in."

"I'll give you a full report. What's the matter? Don't you trust me?"

"No…I mean I do, but I want to hear it for myself. I don't want any misinterpretations," Iruka said, thinking of how Naruto screwed things up the first time by telling him Ayame liked him when she really liked Kakashi.

"Fine, I'll wear the transmitter. I can't believe you don't trust me after all this time!"

"And by the way, no touching!" Iruka warned.

Naruto attached the transmitter to his inside collar then transformed into Kakashi, complete with the little red book in hand. Iruka watched from behind the tree as Naruto approached the ramen stand. Iruka fidgeted with the radio receiver in his ear and heard Naruto mutter something about Iruka sensei owing him ten bowls of ramen for this effort.

It was already mid-afternoon when Naruto-Kakashi sauntered over to Ichiraku. There were no customers around so he was free to say and do whatever he planned. "Hello there Ayame-chan…" Naruto-Kakashi said smoothly in Kakashi's low lucsious lulling voice.

"Good afternoon Kakashi sensei!" Ayame greeted him brightly.

"I see you're not busy right now, mind if I keep you company?"

"Oh please do!"

"You're looking quite beautiful today, as always of course," said Naruto-Kakashi using lines Iruka had suggested.

"And so do you!"

"Me? That's very sweet of you…" Naruto-Kakashi walked behind the counter and up to the ramen girl.

"Would you like something to drink? I have some sake here. It's the cheap stuff but it'll still give you a buzz," she offered with a smile and a wink.

"Sake? At this time of day? No I don't think so…" Naruto-Kakashi responded while thinking, '_I didn't realize she's a lush like old lady Tsunade!'_

"Come on! What are you afraid of? 'Fraid someone might see you without your mask? What's the big deal? Let's have a look…"

Ayame came really really close to Naruto-Kakashi, so close he could smell the alcohol on her breath. "Hey, how about we go to the back and…work on your noodle…" she said seductively.

"Huh?" Naruto-Kakashi did not understand the double entendre of noodle terminology. "Where's your father? What about the customers…" he asked in desperation.

"Who cares? It's just you and me and a kage bunshin will make three…" Ayame said in a low husky voice much unlike her usual girlie one.

Iruka, who had been listening in, was horrified! '_What the hell! Naruto hasn't made a move on her and she's already all over him!'_

"Well…er…thanks for the offer but what about Iruka-sensei?"

"Iruka who?" she blinked her rather bloodshot eyes in confusion.

"Your boyfriend!"

"Him? That loser? He's just a chuunin. I want a real man and only jounin qualify!"

"That's a terrible thing to say! He really loves you!"

"Whatever, why talk about him? We should talk about us, or rather, forget the talking," Ayame said as she reached out toward Naruto-Kakashi. He expected her to go for the mask, but she suddenly switched gears and went for the lower region. Naruto-Kakashi almost lost his concentration and transformation and knew it was time to get out of there, fast. He had seen enough and poor Iruka-sensei had probably heard way too much.

"S…sorry…gotta go!" Naruto-Kakashi said as he quickly turned and ran off, concentrating chakra to his feet.

"Damn! He got away again!" muttered Ayame crossly.

-…-…-…-

Iruka was shocked, more than shocked, he was near catatonic when Naruto returned.

"Sorry Iruka-sensei, but it's better to know now, isn't it?" Naruto said sympathetically.

"I…I wish I never knew," Iruka managed to say. He was near tears but resolved not to cry again in front of Naruto (the first time against Mizuki was embarassing enough), yet his eyes were red and the edges were wet. "I guess this is it. I finally know the truth. So that's what she really thinks of me, a loser," he sighed sadly.

"You're not a loser! You're the greatest guy I know! I'm sure any woman would want you!" Naruto said encouragingly. '_What is wrong with that ramen girl?'_ Naruto thought angrily to himself._ 'What woman in her right mind would prefer Kakashi-sensei to Iruka-sensei? I just don't get it. It's like Sakura and Sasuke. He treats her like crap and she still wants him. Hmm…maybe that's it…'_

"Apparently not," Iruka replied. "I mean, for her to call me a loser…she's just a ramen waitress!"

"That's right, you could do better!" Naruto readily agreed.

"Yeah, you're right!" Iruka started to feel a bit better, but then thought, '_To be dissed by someone as lowly as a ramen waitress…that's just too much to bear…'_

"Go for one of the kunoichi sensei." Naruto suggested.

"I should, shouldn't I? We'd have a lot more in common."

"That's right! There's Suzume-sensei, Kurenai-sensei, Anko-sensei, and even old lady Tsunade…"

"But they're all such bitches!"

"Well, yeah, that's true, but…Shizune nee-chan is really nice!"

"You're right, she is. Hmm…I should consider her..." But then Iruka thought how Shizune was a jounin and he was just a lowly chuunin. How would it look to have a wife who could kick his ass? And who made more money and…

Then Naruto added, "But you should know…I've been hearing rumors about her…so forget all that, I have a better idea! The reason why that ramen girl wants Kakashi-sensei is because…he doesn't want her!"

At first, Iruka was about to scoff at that idea, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. After all, he had dumped Ayame twice already and each time she wanted him back more badly than before. Maybe what she really wanted was a guy who didn't want her. That made sense in a bizarre twisted way. But he didn't want someone that…contrary or crazy. "If she wants Kakashi more than she wants me, then just forget it," he said resignedly.

"You're not going to fight for her?"

"I'm tired of having all these doubts. Now that they've been confirmed, what's the point? I mind as well save face and save myself some heartache," Iruka said but added to himself, '_And some money, all those flowers and non-ramen dinners really eat into a chuunin's savings!' _He sighed again and said,"I just want someone who just wants me." '_And who doesn't know Kakashi exists!'_

"So you're gonna dump her again?"

"I'm going to end our relationship equitably."

"But she might want you more after that…"

"It'll be final. Final. Absolutely final!" Iruka resolved.

-…-…-…-

Hours later, after Iruka had plenty of time to angst about his life, he dropped by the ramen stand near closing. Ayame smiled broadly and waved to him as he approached, but he just nodded mutely and stood by the counter, eyeing her coldly.

"What's the matter Iruka-kun?"the young woman asked, concerned.

"It's over," he said, turning his head, without looking at her.

"What's over?"

"We are."

"What are you talking about?" She blinked her eyes in confusion.

"Our relationship, which was built on lies to start with, is over, absolutely final," Iruka said while meeting her beautiful soft brown eyes. He had spoken more abruptly than he had originally intended.

"Huh? What the hell? Why? Again?" she asked in disbelief. Things were going very well since that time when Iruka thought he was in love with Kakashi. That was over a month ago, and since then, they had been very close. So close, she was sure he was about to advance to the next stage.

"You know why. Why don't you just hook up with Kakashi again. He's the one you really want!" Iruka accused angrily. He had resolved to maintain his composure, but for some reason, just looking at her confused, guileless face made him really angry. That such an innocent face was capable of such deception…it was unforgivable.

"That again? Why are you so obsessed with him?" she asked in annoyance. "You're the one who obsesses about him! Not me! You're the one who brings him up all the time! You're the one who wants him! If you're playing me, if you've really decided this is over, this better be the last over! I'm not taking you back after you dumped me three times! I have some dignity! No backsies!" Ayame shouted.

"Backsies? What adult talks like that?" Iruka said rather cruelly.

"So you're making fun of my intelligence now? I'm just a dumb civilian, right? Not a smart classy kunoichi? Don't think a poor ramen waitress is good enough for you? Well, take this!" Ayame dumped the remnants of a ramen bowl over Iruka's head. She ran off to the back room crying loudly.

Her father came out from the back to see what the hell was going on this time between his daughter and her suitor. One look at Iruka's guilty face, and the bowl on his head, told him everything. "You dumped her again didn't you?" he accused.

Iruka nodded mutely but blushed in shame over his poor treatment of Ayame. The soup dripped into his eyes, but he ignored the discomfort and made no move to clean himself up. Breaking up this time was much, much harder.

"A bad relationship is like a bowl of cold leftover ramen. Sometimes it's better off in the trash. But you know… I really thought you were a good guy. Good enough for my daughter. Guess I was wrong. You know, she may not be the fanciest of toppings, but she really loves you. Don't show your face around here again, unless you want something with extra legs in your ramen," her father threatened.

Poor Iruka gave him a slight nod of acknowledgement before he returned to his empty apartment.

-…-…-…-…-

_Author's Note: Next up - what really happened!_


	16. TT: Unconditional Love

**_Unconditional Love_**

Despite all that happened between his sensei and the ramen girl, it was still Naruto's favorite place to eat. And the turbulent affairs of adults did not concern him. So the next day, Naruto returned to eating lunch at Ichiraku.

"I don't understand it. What is it with your sensei? He's like so…insecure, especially when it comes to Kakashi," Ayame said while serving Naruto his roast pork ramen. She sniffed and blinked back what few tears had remained from a night of sobbing into her pillow. She couldn't even say Iruka's name. To keep her mind off her break up, she had worked extra hard on kneading the noodles.

"Well, you certainly can't blame him considering what hap…"

"What do you know about this? Tell me!" Ayame practically jumped on top of Naruto.

"Huh? Nothing! I know absolutely nothing about anything! Wait...that doesn't sound right…"

"Tell me or…you'll never be allowed to eat here ever again! No ramen ever! Just think about that!" she threatened.

Naruto now had to choose between his loyalty to his favorite sensei and ramen. It was not a terribly difficult choice - he chose ramen in about one nanosecond.

"Well, yesterday, Iruka-sensei wanted to know if you were 100 percent over Kakashi-sensei so I transformed into Kakasei-sensei and you…"

"Yesterday? I didn't see Kakashi at all yesterday. What are you talking about?"

"Yesterday, mid-afternoon. There wasn't anyone else around. I don't know where your dad was but you wanted to go to the back and make noodles or something with me…er I mean with Kakashi-sensei."

Realization dawned on the desperate young woman on what truly transpired yesterday.

-…-…-…-…-

_Ayame's father was not feeling well. She decided to take him home but was loathe to close down the ramen stand as she was already preparing a new batch of stock for the evening rush. Then she spied Anko walking by. Although Anko frequented the dumpling restaurant, she did pick up ramen takeout every so often, so Ayame knew her by name though not of her reputation. "Anko-sensei!" she called. "Can you please do me a favor?"_

_Anko looked over at the ramen girl and nodded cautiously._

"_Can you just watch the stand for a few minutes? It's the slow time of day so there probably won't be any customers. Just keep an eye on the stock for me, okay? I'm taking my dad home since he's not feeling well, but I should be back in just a few minutes," Ayame said while thinking, 'Well more like 20 minutes.'_

"_No problem," said Anko, "I can handle just watching the stock. Just don't expect me to serve anyone. That's not my style."_

"_Thanks so much!" _

_Anko started getting bored after a few minutes. She waited impatiently for Ayame to return. Several people had called out to her, "Hey Anko, what are you doing here? This a mission for you? Ha-ha! Protect the ramen stand from thieves or from Naruto?" She started to get tired of the jokes and decided to transform into Ayame. That way, people would no be wiser and would leave her alone. She busied herself by snooping around the stand and saw the bottle of sake that they kept for their regular customers. Anko could not resist helping herself to a cup or two or more of the sake. Then she spied Kakashi approaching…_

-…-…-…-…-

"…so that's what must have happened!" Ayame explained.

"Now that makes sense," Naruto nodded. "Anko-sensei is such a psycho bitch, no wonder she said those terrible things about Iruka-sensei. I'm sure once I explain things to him he'll…"

"No! Forget it! I'm sick of his insecurities. I don't want him back even if he were the last man on earth…well…maybe only in that case. I want someone who's confident, someone who's never weak but always strong, someone who'll defend me whether I'm right or wrong, someone to open each and every door…" (_from Bob Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe")_

-…-…-…-…-

"…so that's what happened, Iruka sensei," Naruto explained immediately after lunch, even calling out Iruka in the middle of class.

"So it was that psycho bitch Anko! No wonder! Geez I can't believe this! I have to get Ayame back!"

"Well, she says she doesn't want you back unless you were the last man on earth. So that's pretty hard to do I think…"

"She's just upset right now, I'm sure by tomorrow some flowers will do it," Iruka said with a confidence he did not feel.

-…-…-…-…-

Next morning, Iruka immediately headed over to the flower shop with lots of cash in hand. He found Ino misting the flowers with a spray bottle.

"I'd like three dozen…" he was about to say when Ino cut in.

"Sorry Iruka-sensei, if that's for the ramen girl, it's no sale."

"What do mean?"

"She's paid me NOT to sell flowers to you if it's for her," Ino explained while thinking, _'Saving the flowers for another sale means double the profit! And what kind of man would repeatedly dump a girl? Everyone thinks Iruka-sensei is such a nice guy. Wait till this gets out! _' She then added to Iruka's horror, "Now if you'd like to send flowers to someone else…like Kakashi-sensei…"

-…-…-…-…-

Ayame was already over being angry. Now she was just depressed despite agreeing with her father that there were plenty of noodles in the vat. She had resolved that even if Iruka were to beg on his knees, she would not take him back. But was she wrong? After all, it was an honest mistake, sort of. Actually, it wasn't. He was testing her and it was just a fluke that Anko had taken over for that short period of time. Ayame was certain she would have passed the test and be no wiser and right now maybe she'd be happily engaged. But engaged to a man who would desperately stoop to deception because of his own insecurities. She wasn't wrong in her decision, but…

Ayame spied Sakura passing by the ramen stand on her way to training. She called out to the pink haired girl and waved her over. Sakura had heard the latest gossip, from Naruto of course, but was not in the mood to listen to more of Ayame's troubled love life, considering her own was no better, or rather, even worse. But she walked over anyway, thinking maybe she could learn something from the older girl, like how to not screw up a relationship.

"Sakura-chan," Ayame began, "I hope you don't mind if I ask you something, maybe personal, girl talk, you know."

Sakura smiled weakly, thinking _'You can ask, doesn't mean I have to answer. And now that you're free, as long you keep your hands off Sasuke, we're fine.' _But she said aloud, "Sure, no problem. What is it?"

"You like that boy Sasuke, right?"

Sakura nodded cautiously_. Inner Sakura: 'Hands off Sasuke! Or prepare for a kunai in your gut!'_

"Actually, you love him don't you? For a long time?"

Again Sakura nodded, wondering where this was headed.

"But he barely deigns to give you the time of day, right?"

Sakura frowned. She did not like where this was headed at all.

"But you still love him anyway. Why?"

Sakura sighed. Sasuke was always a touchy subject with her. Despite her academic excellence, she never analyzed why she loved Sasuke, she just did, with all her heart. Trying to explain this would take some time, so she took a seat at the counter. "Love isn't something you can explain is it?" she asked the older girl.

"Sure it is. I thought I loved Kakashi because he's so cool and good-looking. Sigh, I loved Iruka because he was such a sweet guy and was so considerate and nice. Until what he pulled yesterday! Did you hear about that?" Ayame narrowed her eyes slightly, wondering if Naruto had already spread the word.

Sakura shook her head innocently.

"He put me through a test because he didn't trust me! He thought I might still have some lingering feelings for Kakashi so he had Naruto transform into Kakashi and try to seduce me! Except it wasn't me, it was actually Anko who was me. Anyway, how do you forgive something like that? If Sasuke did that to you, would you take him back?"

"Yes. It just shows how much he wants you to love him."

"But love is about trust isn't it? I trust him. I really don't think he has any feelings for Kaka…er…you didn't hear that last part_. (Ayame didn't know that most of Konoha had already heard about Iruka's crush on Kakashi.)_ He should love me no matter what!"

"Well, I love Sasuke unconditionally. I don't need him to love me back, though I wish for it with all my heart. Even if he couldn't love me, or if he loved someone else, it wouldn't change my feelings for him." Sakura felt happy about being able to discuss her feelings freely with someone. There was no one else she could really talk to about Sasuke. All the other girls envied her and hated her for being on Sasuke's team. Her parents would just laugh it off as a silly crush. And forget about Naruto and Kakashi, those idiots didn't understand anything.

"Even if he did something bad? Really bad?"

"I would forgive him, if he's sorry for it."

"And if he's not?"

"I would still love him and help him. You can't just change your feelings so easily."

"So you think I should forgive Iruka-sensei?"

Sakura shrugged and said wisely, "That's up to you. Everyone is different."

-…-…-…-

Later that day, after their morning's training session, Sasuke went to Ichiraku for lunch while Naruto had to go elsewhere to meet with Iruka.

Sasuke was tentative about eating lunch there after Naruto had told him the latest gossip, whether he wanted to hear it or not. The ramen girl, he noticed, tended to let her emotions affect her ramen, a very bad habit. But he was in a hurry and had little pocket money today, so he resigned himself to ordering ramen with meatballs. To his relief, the girl took his order and served him in silence.

But she seemed to be studying him and after a while, Ayame presumed to ask him, "You know Sasuke-kun, all the young girls in Konoha seem to have a crush on you. But you don't seem to be interested."

Sasuke ignored her and concentrated on eating his noodles without spilling a drop of soup. '_Busybody bitch._'

"What do you think of unconditional love?" she asked.

He continued to ignore her.

Ayame persisted, "You know, sort of like what a mother feels for her children, among family…"

Sasuke abruptly looked up from his noodles to say, "Unconditional love is a fallacy. Nothing like that truly exists. There is always something that is unforgivable. Like a massacre." His words and tone were cold enough to cool down the bowl of hot ramen.

"Yeah…er…I see your point." Ayame sighed, she should have known better than to ask his opinion.

-…-…-…-

Meanwhile Naruto was having lunch with Iruka at the dumpling house. Naruto scarfed down his dumplings a bit reluctantly, missing his usual ramen, but since Iruka was paying, he didn't complain. Instead he uncharacteristically remained silent thinking about his poor sensei's situation and guiltily about how it was his plan and his fault. He resolved to come up with another plan to help.

The two ate in sad silence until Naruto suggested, "I have another plan…"

"Please, no, no more of your plans."

"But I swear this is a good one! It'll work!" Before Iruka could protest again, Naruto launched into his new great idea, "I'll pretend to kidnap her and you'll come to save her and she'll forgive you!"

Iruka shook his head in disapproval, "That's too drastic and underhanded. I can't do something like that. Though it's not really a bad idea…" He added the last part in desperate consideration.

"It's a great idea! Trust me!"

"That's what I thought the last time. Forget it, I'll work this out myself. Just need some time."

"Some time for her to fall for someone else! Remember, a stitch in time saves…eight or nine?"

"Yes, but haste makes waste."

"Sigh, why do they teach us those contrary things in school?"

"Well, it depends on the situation…look, I just need to go talk to her again. She's probably cooled off by now."

"Yeah, cooled off toward you!"

"You're not helping me by saying that!"

"So why are you hanging around and asking help from a twelve year old?"

"Good question. This is an adult problem and I'll handle it myself, like an adult," Iruka said with determination.

"Well, whatever, if it doesn't work, you know where to find me," Naruto replied as he stuck his chopsticks in his last dumpling.

-…-…-…-

After classes, Iruka managed to scrounge up some wildflowers to bring over to the ramen stand but Ayame was nowhere in sight.

"Look, you've dumped my daughter three times already. What makes you think, I'll give you another chance? Beat it!" Ayame's father said to Iruka when he asked to see Ayame, who had quickly ducked to the back as soon as she saw Iruka approaching, leaving her father as her protector.

"I just want to talk to her…to apologize…"

"She's had enough of your apologies and your stupid flowers! Did you ever once think about getting her a freakin' vase for them? Guess who has to buy al the vases? They're more expensive than the stupid flowers! Beat it or I'll report you to Tsunade-sama for harassment! You know how tough she can be!"

Iruka's face blanched and he swallowed hard. Last thing he needed was to get in trouble with the new Hokage. But still he persisted, "If you can tell her it was all a misunderstanding …just a minute is all I need…"

"You have ten seconds to disappear from my sight or else…" He raised the boiling pot of stock threateningly.

Iruka sighed and resigned himself to finding another route of approach.

-…-…-…-

Ayame was trying to relax by drinking sake (rather than cutting vegetables) in the room behind the ramen stand when she heard a soft knock at the door. When she turned her head she found the purple-haired snake-master jounin standing before her, looking rather repentant.

"Hi, your father let me back here to talk to you in private," Anko explained. "I'm sorry about what happened the other day. Hope nothing bad resulted, ha-ha."

"No, it was actually a good lesson." Ayame took another cup and poured Anko a drink too.

"Don't be too hard on Iruka-sensei, he's really a great guy."

"That's what I thought but…" Ayame handed the cup of sake to Anko.

"There's no chance of you forgiving him? I mean, I feel real bad about all this... it's all my fault. Maybe you can give him another chance after you've had a chance to think about it." Anko took a swallow of the sake and started choking.

"Hah! Take that!" Ayame said crossly. "That's for screwing up my life! All you shinobi think you're so much better than us civilians! Well I can't jutsu you but I sure can put hot sauce in sake! One with 90 percent capsaicin!"

Anko gagged and sputtered and lost her transformation.

Iruka now stood before Ayame. _'Crap, I thought if I transformed myself to look like someone else, then I could get her alone. Hot sauce! Can't believe she would try that with Anko! If it were the real Anko, Ayame would be in the hospital with multiple snakebites by now. Crap, she's really ticked off. I'm done for…'_

"You? You used that trick on me, again? Never trust a shinobi! Well, at least you had the balls this time to do it yourself and not enlist your little friend. I first thought it was Kakashi's fault that we had problems, then I thought it was me, but it's not. It's been you all along! I'm sick of your wishy-washy insecurities! I want someone to love me unconditionally! Get out!" the ramen girl yelled, punctuating her order by pointing at the door, then she grabbed a fistful of freshly cut noodles.

Her suitor meekly complied without protest.

Whom else could he turn to for love advice? He had no parents or siblings and shinobi rarely talked about their feelings. There was just Naruto, who he suspected really just cared about free ramen for life, and Ino who he knew cared only about selling him more flowers. Pathetic.

Ayame was right - he was insecure and he did not trust her. But why, why couldn't he trust her when he trusted everyone else? He trusted his comrades; he believed in his students, including Naruto. And he even believed that his friend Mizuki, who had turned bad, would somehow revert back to the caring boy and man he once knew.

Ayame had done nothing deceitful, that he knew of. She had always been honest with him, as far as he knew. But now that he saw the light, it was too late. She wasn't going to speak to him again. Suddenly Naruto's suggestion wasn't looking too bad.

-…-…-…-

_Next up: The Kidnapping_


	17. TT: The Kidnapping

_**The Kidnapping**_

Unbeknownst to the troubled lovebirds, they were being observed by three men, clad in gray, not native to Konoha.

"That's her isn't it?" asked the oldest brother.

"Yes, we saw them together at the ramen stand the other day, being quite intimate," said his younger brother.

"Yeah, she had her hands all over him," said the youngest brother.

"What about that other guy she's been seen with?" asked the oldest brother.

"The scarred nose guy? He's nobody important," replied the second brother.

"Yeah, I just saw her throwing noodles at him, screaming at him and chasing him away from the ramen stand," replied the third brother.

"Right, let's get her."

-…-…-…-

Kakashi had just exited the administrative building after filing the day's status report. He was just about to take out his book for some light reading when...

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!" Ayame's father called out.

"Hmm?" Kakashi looked passively at the frantic old man who then shoved a note in Kakashi's face. It was addressed to the gray haired jounin.

_To: Hatake Kakashi_

_We have the goil. If yu want her bak alive cum to the old bulding 2 miles SE past the bambu forist at 6pm tonite aloan._

"Hmm..." Kakashi said pensively. "I'm sorry but I have a mission right now."

"But...my daughter! She's in danger! Don't you care?" the old man said angrily.

Kakashi shrugged. "Sorry, but she's not my concern. It's not an official mission. Why don't you ask Iruka-sensei to handle this."

"The note is addressed to you! And he's just a pathetic chuunin!"

"I have confidence that Iruka-sensei can handle this. He's actually a pretty good chuunin," the masked shinobi replied calmly.

"I can't take that risk! My daughter deserves the best!"

"Thanks for the compliment, but she'll be fine, nothing to worry about, sorry, gotta go," Kakashi said as he disappeared before the old man could say another word.

-…-…-

"Iruka-sensei! Iruka sensei!" someone called.

On his way home from the Academy, where he had been busy with extra paperwork forced upon him by the other teachers, Iruka was lost in his somber thoughts and nearly walked right into Ayame's father who shoved a piece of paper into his face.

"My daughter's been kidnapped!" exclaimed the old man.

"Kidnapped?" Iruka said in surprise. He had not yet given Naruto the go ahead, but he naturally assumed Naruto had taken action without him. He looked down at the note and read "_We have the goil. If yu want her bak alive cum to the old bulding 2 miles SE past the bambu forist at 6pm tonite aloan."_

To Iruka's confusion, the note was addressed to Kakashi_. 'That Naruto, he must be rubbing it in!' _Iruka rationalized. Considering the misspellings in the note, it had to have been written by a twelve year old with a six year old intelligence.

"I know it's addressed to Kakashi-sensei, but he's on a mission, and I didn't know whom else I can ask. Do you know of any jounin available? I don't have time to go through bureaucratic paperwork at the Hokage's office and who knows what they'd do if I reported it to Tsunade-sama."

Iruka flushed at the probably unintentional insult. "We don't have time to find someone else. It's almost 6 already. I can handle it," he said confidently.

The old man eyed him critically, thinking, '_He's only a chuunin but he definitely cares more about Ayame than that bastard Kakashi. Can I trust him to rescue my daughter? It's like spinach ramen where it doesn't seem that good at first but after a while it's actually better than you expected…' _

He gave Iruka a nod of approval.

-…-…-…-

_'That Naruto, taking action without me, have to get him back for this. This is all his fault in the first place! Suggesting that I deceive my girl...'_ but Iruka really knew that it was his own fault. All the problems he'd had with the ramen girl were due to his own insecurites as she said. Maybe it was because he had grown up without the secure love of parents. That sort of unconditional love he had missed during his important adolescent formative years, when he started developing feelings for the opposite sex. His parents, after nearly thirteen years it was hard to remember them. The family pictures had all been destroyed in Kyuubi's attack.

Sometimes when he looked at himself in the mirror, he tried to place which part of his features came from which parent._ 'I think I have my mother's eyes,' _he would muse. _'I think I have my father's nose. The ears I can't remember at all. Who looks at ears anyway?' _But then he was sorry that he couldn't remember their ears.

The sensitive young man thought about that time he had an argument with Ayame, when Iruka said she was lucky to have her father. But Ayame said he was lucky to have had two parents until he was twelve, while her mother died when she was much younger than that. "Are you trying to out-angst me?" he had accused. She had looked at him as if he should have been carried away by the shinobi medic pysch department.

But it didn't matter when he lost his parents, the problem was he could barely remember what they looked like. What he did remember now was that feeling of being loved no matter what; no matter how poorly he did at the academy, he knew his parents would love him anyway. He remembered how softly but strongly his mother held him, how gentle she was when she dressed his wounds. He remembered how his dad made him laugh and did all sort of cool tricks with disappearing shuriken, and juggling kunai. He remembered that feeling of warmth and security, that they loved him most in the whole world. He wanted those feelings back and he wanted them with Ayame.

Now he realized that in order to expect such unconditional love, he had to love unconditionally - he had to trust her, and love her, no matter what. She deserved that kind of supreme unselfish love.

-...-...-...-

Ayame was asked to deliver a sizable take-out order with the promise of a large tip. It was still before the dinner rush so she agreed to the man's request to help him. He was not a good looking man at all. Not even cute like Iruka. But the heavy set man in a blue suit had flattered her and flirted with her, so thinking of vengeance against her ex for his little tricks, the naive young woman followed him. He chivalrously carried most of the order.

"So pretty lady, what is your name?" her new customer asked on the way. They were now outside the safety of Konoha's walls.

"Me?" People rarely ever asked her name. She was always the ramen girl or the Ichiraku waitress. "My name is Ayame," she blushed a bit.

"Ayame. That sure is a lovely name, a beautiful flower, perfect for such a beautiful young lady," the man said smoothly.

"Thank you very much, sir," Ayame said appreciatively while still blushing._ 'This man is no looker, but he sure has a way with words.'_

"So Ayame-san, a girl like you must have many suitors."

"Who me? Well...I have been seeing this one guy for a while," she admitted. Though originally she was thinking of using this man to make Iruka jealous, now she thought about how she missed her ex-paramour.

"Is he a shinobi?"

She nodded.

"Does he treat you well?"

"He's a liar and treats me like an idiot!" Ayame said heatedly, but in her heart she thought, _'No he's not. He's sweet and kind, generous and good. I can't blame him for being insecure. After all , I was obsessed with Kakashi for quite a while. If our situations were reversed, wouldn't I be jealous and insecure? Maybe Sakura has the right idea. He just needs someone to love him unconditionally.'_

The man nodded at her words. "Some men just don't know how to treat a woman," he agreed, and then smiled at her conspiratorially.

Soon they approached the bamboo forest and were greeted by two other men. They were clad in gray shinobi-like uniforms,but like the first, they were plain to look at.

"I'm sorry about all this miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to hold out your hands so we can tie you up," said the first man apologetically. "Please comply with our orders, we don't want to hurt you." He had somehow instantly changed into the same attire as his comrades.

"Huh? Why? Why are you doing this? Why kidnap me? I'm just a ramen waitress, no one important. If you expect a hefty ransom, forget it. We're barely in the black. We're just scraping by. Our profit margin is very thin. There's a lot of overhead in the toppings you know though the noodles are fairly inexpensive..." Ayame tried to convince the heavy set man to let them go as one of the other men wound the rope around her wrists.

"I'm sorry, but it's not you we're after, it's your boyfriend."

"My boyfriend?"

"Yes, he stole my girl three years ago and I haven't forgiven him. It's time for him to pay!" The other two men nodded enthusiatically.

Ayame was surprised. Iruka sure did not seem like the type to steal someone else's girl. "There must be some mistake. He's not like that!"

"Hmmf. You just told me how he treated you. You think stealing my girl is beyond him?"

Ayame thought seriously as she allowed them to bind her wrists. She believe in Iruka. There was no way he would stoop to something as low as that. The girl must not have been serious about this man in the first place. "Not too tight please," Ayame complained, "I am a working girl. If you hurt my wrists, how can I roll noodles or chop vegetables ever again?"

The youngest brother apologized and loosened her bonds a bit.

"What do you plan to do with me?" Ayame asked.

"Nothing. We just plan to keep you here for a while and wait for your boyfriend to rescue you. And when he comes, we'll be ready!" said the oldest brother.

"So what are you planning to do to him?" she asked worriedly.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" the three brothers ominously laughed in unison.

-...-...-...-

Although he knew it was a fake kidnapping, Iruka approached the bamboo forest cautiously. Who knew what Naruto had in stall for him. The enthusiastic genin probably wanted to make the rescue attempt to look really good and convincing. Maybe he even enlisted the help of his teammates. Sakura was not one to worry about, but that psycho Sasuke could get carried away - Iruka recalled the time Sasuke threatened him with his sharingan. And what if Naruto enlisted Kakashi's help? Then Iruka could be in super serious trouble. Kakashi appeared to have quite a mischievous streak. He would definitely enjoy giving Iruka a hard time. In any case, if Ayame were watching, he had to look competent.

Although Iruka was only a chuunin, he was very analytical and intelligent, in fact more so than some of the jounin like Gai and Anko who relied on brawn rather than brains. The veteran chuunin analyzed the situation. Why ask him to enter the bamboo forest instead of some other obscured area? What was special about bamboo?

'_Bamboo is a grass, that can grow quite tall, over 100 feet, like a tree. It's flexible and light and is good for weaving baskets and constructing lightweight furniture or even huts. It's not good for weapons. It's good for making ad hoc structures since it can be cut easily. Structures like traps!' _

Iruka's senses were at maximum sensitivity. He listened carefully for the sound of an enemy. His eyes darted from side to side and up and down. He nose tried to detect any strange odors, or the scent of Ayame (ramen and spices). He calmed himself to sense any foreign chakra. And he was careful to move in a zigzag pattern so an enemy could not easily attack him from behind. He then saw a little handwritten note with "This way to the goil" and an arrow pointing into the dense bamboo.

-...-...-...-

The brothers had forced Ayame to enter the shrine in the middle of the bamboo forest and then tied her to a chair in a small corner room. Ayame had plenty of time to think about her life and her relationships while the kidnappers left to deal with her ex-boyfriend. It had been only two days since the breakup but it was enough time for her to reflect back now without crying. Also, the anxiety of her or Iruka possibly being hurt focused her attention, so rather than continue to be depressed, she used her energy to think how she could get herself free, help Iruka, and what she would do should they both survive.

She had to admit to herself (as they was no one else around) that she still loved the charming chuunin. She loved his long soft brown hair (so much better kept than her own), the ragged scar across his nose (which gave him such character), and the way he was like an open book with his feelings (it was really cute that he blushed more than she did when they read the Icha Icha books together). She knew (from some of her ramen customers) that he was the favorite sensei among the academy students, which meant that he would make a good father and loving husband. He was good and honest (always paid his bills on time), gentle and generous (always left her an extra tip), sensible and sensitive (always gave her flowers for every occasion and he remembered them all), hardworking with a happy, positive attitude - most of the time. His only problem seemed to be an insecurity stemming from her initial obsession with Kakashi.

Despite all her attempts, he still did not trust her enough, or believe in himself enough, that she really did prefer him over Kakashi, that she loved him more than anyone else. What could she do to prove her love to him? What would it take to get it through his thick head? Her death? She shook her head and frowned at that thought.

The three men didn't seem particularly dangerous or cruel. If anything, they were rather nice. The ropes that bound her did not cut into her skin. There was enough slack that if she were a shinobi or even an experienced civilian, she would have been able to free herself easily. As it was, she knew nothing about knots. Still she instinctively, but futilely, strained against her bindings.

-...-...-...-

Iruka decided to first send in a bunshin as a decoy, in case Naruto or his teammates were lying in wait. Kakashi and Sasuke could easily distinguish a bunshin, and probably Sakura, but Naruto would be fooled, he reasoned. But in case the traps were triggered by weight, Iruka filled his pockets with stones. As the bunshin entered, Iruka matched its footsteps with stones, throwing them where the bunshin stepped. He camouflaged himself against the bamboo and shadowed his bunshin, while keeping an eye out for any trip wire.

The youngest of the Moya brothers saw the scarred nose shinobi approaching. He was watching from high up, on the tips of the tallest bamboo. _'What is he doing here? Where's Kakashi? Oh…wait I get it. These shinobi are capable of transforming themselves to look like someone else. Kakashi must be trying to trick us. He thinks we won't attack anyone but him. But I'm going to prove him wrong! We're smarter than that! Wait till that runny nose poison affects him – no woman will want a man with constant nasal drip! Ha-ha!' _He threw a kunai down toward Iruka.

Six stalks of bamboo tied down by a rope were released. They whipped through the bunshin and it dispersed into the air immediately. Iruka stepped back as the stalks continued to flail in front of him. He then noticed that the stalks were pierced with senbon coated with a black substance he assumed was poison.

'_What the hell? Poison is pretty extreme even for Sasuke and Kakashi._' The chuunin analyzed the trajectory of the kunai. By its vertical placement, it had to come from directly above. Still in his camouflage mode, he took out his kunai, concentrated chakra into it, and whipped it across the bamboo in front of him. The stalks fell over and he could hear an astonished yelp, the cracking of bamboo, and then a thump.

Iruka quickly followed the direction of the noise and found a man about his age dressed in pseudo shinobi gray robes and a forehead protector of a village he did not recognize. He could tell it was a real person, not a bunshin or transformation. "Are you from the…Question Mark Village? What the hell did you do with my girl!"

"You're not Kakashi? Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Umino Iruka, chuunin of Hidden Leaf Village and your executioner if you don't start answering some questions!" Iruka replied impatiently.

The man's face blanched in fear. His voice trembled as he replied, "I'm one of the Moya brothers - see it's supposed to be haze on my forehead protector. We're out to get Kakashi, not you or the girl."

"Kakashi? What does he have to do with this?"

"He stole eldest brother's girl three years ago!"

"That bastard! I know exactly how he feels."

"Right, so you see where we're coming from…"

"Yes, but what does this have to do with Ayame?"

"We thought she was his girl…"

"No she's not! She's mine!"

"Sorry, we didn't realize…but why was she cursing you out and throwing noodles at you?"

"That's none of your business! Tell me how many of you there are and where she is!"

"There are just us three. The girl's at the shrine in the middle of the bamboo forest. OW! OW! I think I broke something. Help me…" the man said as he tried to get up. A sharp stalk of bamboo had penetrated his thigh and blood dyed his gray uniform red.

"I'll come back for you later. If Ayame's okay I'll make sure you get some help, but if she's not, I'll come back and finish the job," Iruka said coldly as he headed deeper into the forest.

-…-…-…-

Iruka continued with the same strategy, camouflaging himself while shadowing his bunshin. But this time he was more wary of attacks from above.

'_So this is not Naruto's doing. It's Kakashi's fault again! That bastard, stealing other guys' women. I'll never forgive him!' _Iruka unfairly thought.

The second brother was crouching low, half buried in the soil, and hidden by the dense bamboo. He could not see Iruka's face well, only the lower half of the shinobi uniform appeared in front of him. He quickly threw a kunai with an exploding tag and a small pouch. The pouch was filled with super itching powder, the kind that caused skin lesions oozing with pus – no woman would ever want a guy like that.

The explosion took out the bunshin, and the itching powder scattered everywhere in a cloud of purplish dust. But to Iruka's luck, a sudden gust of wind blew the itching powder harmlessly away from him so that the chuunin was completely oblivious to what horrible disaster he had just avoided.

Iruka quickly ran toward the direction of the kunai, which appeared to be thrown from a low angle. He cautiously circled around, caught the man frombehind in a chokehold, and held a kunai to his throat.

"What the hell? You're not Kakashi!" said the second brother who could now see that this shinobi wore no mask.

"No I'm not!" Iruka said as he delivered a strong chop to the base of the man's neck, knocking him out. He quickly tied the counterfeit shinobi's hands and ankles together, much like a trussed up pig.

-…-…-…-

The bamboo grew denser and denser as Iruka moved deeper in. There was little room to maneuver and the raspy stalks scratched at any exposed skin. His hands and face bore the worse of it, but he ignored the irritating pricks. The cautious chuunin grew more and more impatient as he worried above his love, imagining all sorts of horrible torture the kidnappers may have employed. How would an innocent civilian like her withstand even the slightest torture? What if they were to disfigure her face? But he resolved to stand by her no matter what.

He finally reached the middle of the bamboo forest and saw the old Shinto shrine just yards away in a small clearing.

The eldest Moya brother watched from a window in the shrine._ 'He won't escape from this last trap! With the poison on the kunai, shuriken, and spikes, he will have flatulence all the time, for the rest of his life - no woman will ever want him! But wait…is that Kakashi?'_

The bunshin proceeded without any problems, but Iruka felt the ground give way when he followed. He quickly leaped back as the ground exploded and racks of spikes crashed down from the left and right. Then another explosion as the spikes flew from the rack in all directions. Iruka blocked the spikes with his kunai, but more kunai and shuriken flew at him from multiple directions. Somehow Iruka survived the last trap without a scratch.

The lucky chuunin quickly ran the rest of the distance to the shrine and crashed through the window shoulder first. He dropped to the floor feet first and immediately tucked and rolled on the ground.

By the time the kidnapper overcame his surprise, Iruka was poised with his hand left hand at the man's throat while his right hand held a kunai ready to disembowel him with a flick of his wrist.

"You're not Kakashi! Who the hell are you?" the man managed to squeak out as sweat dripped down his face.

"I'm Umino Iruka, Hidden Leaf Chuunin, and Ayame's ...significant other," the young man replied.

"Significant other?"

"Well...I'm not exactly her boyfriend right now, but we were going out for a while...Hey I'm asking the questions here! And that's none of your business!"

"So where's Kakashi? The note was addressed to him."

"He's apparently on a mission."

"Damn! He'd abandon a damsel in distress. What a bastard."

"Look, your brother told me about how that bastard stole your girl, but that was a long time ago. I don't blame you for wanting revenge, so I'll let you guys off easy this time, just don't do it again. I'm only a chuunin and I was able to take you all out. You have no chance against Kakashi. He's an inconsiderate girl stealing bastard but he's a top shinobi. You guys don't want to die do you?"

"No, sigh, I guess you're right. But hey I have to ask you, I had a good talk with Ayame-chan. You guys seriously broke up? Mind if I..."

"No! You three stay away from her! She's mine! Where is she?"

"You know, from what she's told me, you don't deserve her..."

That was the last straw and Iruka finally lost it. He punched the guy squarely in the jaw with a right cross then a left hook. The shinobi wannabe fell to the ground unconscious and Iruka headed to the back of the temple.

-…-…-…-

_Author's Notes: Ok, that's the best I can do in terms of action for Iruka since he has no special techniques._

_The Moya (Haze) brothers are from ep 101._

_Next up, the finale._


	18. TT: Happily Ever After

_**Kakashi's Mission**_

Sasuke was just about to cook dinner, or rather microwave his leftover lunch (the talk with Ayame had made him lose his appetite), when he heard the doorbell ring.

He found his sensei leaning languidly against the doorframe reading his little red book.

"Something come up?" Sasuke asked his sensei unenthusiastically.

"An unofficial mission," Kakashi replied mysteriously.

"Where's the other two?"

"It's just the two of us. It's a special mission that requires…discretion," his sensei explained vaguely.

Sasuke looked at his superior doubtfully. _'Special discrete mission, yeah right, to him that's probably stealing porn from the bookstore…'_

"It involves a kidnapping."

That got Sasuke's attention.

"The ramen girl has been kidnapped. And we're going to help Iruka sensei save her without his knowledge."

Sasuke just looked at his sensei as if he were mad, and cocked an eyebrow.

"According to the latest shinobi gossip, the two have been having some problems. It just so happens that the ramen girl got in the middle of a vendetta against _me. _Now I could go ahead and rescue her in about two shakes of a lamb's tail, but I think it's better to give Iruka-sensei that chance, with a little help from us…just in case." Despite the perverted books Kakashi read, he was apparently a romantic, or a fool, at heart.

Sasuke just shrugged and said, "Whatever, let's go."

-...-...-...-

"See, Iruka sensei's not doing too badly," Kakashi whispered to Sasuke as they watched Iruka take out the first guy.

"So let's leave," muttered Sasuke in reply.

"Well, there might be more traps. We'd better make sure the ramen girl's okay first."

When Kakashi saw the pouch attached to the kunai with an explosive tag, he immediately knew that it had to contain some kind of poisonous powder or sleep powder. He quickly performed the katas for a wind jutsu to blow the powder away from the chuunin. Sasuke had wanted to use a fireball, but decided after some consideration that it would be too conspicuous and could cause a rampaging forest fire, which would defeat the purpose of trying to save the ramen girl.

The two continued to move ahead of Iruka, keeping their chakra muted, weaving around the dense bamboo. They both reacted quickly to the flurry of kunai and shuriken headed toward the oblivious chuunin. Their kunai and shuriken deflected ones that Iruka could not

-...-...-...-

_**And They Lived Happily Ever After**_

Iruka moved carefully toward the door, watching out for any last traps. Assuming the door was locked, he concentrated chakra to his right foot and viciously kicked it in, then immediately ducking and rolling into the the room. He heard a crash above his head. A chair had just missed him and splintered dangerously above him against the door frame.

Ayame had managed to free herself (her hands were quite strong from kneading noodles all the time) but found the door and window locked. She had thought about breaking the window with the chair but realized that it was too small for her to climb through despite her petite size. So she waited patiently by the door until she heard the scuffle between Iruka and her kidnapper. She raised the chair in anticipation, ready to break it over the head of anyone coming into the room, even if it were Iruka. After all, he deserved to have some sense knocked into him.

Iruka was ready to throw a kunai at his attacker but luckily realized it was only Ayame._ 'That's not bad. She managed to escape and was brave enough to fight back,'_ he thought, impressed by her bravery. "Ayame-chan, I'm sorry about everything, I …" Iruka started to say before she cut him off.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear any more," she said.

Iruka looked at her in abject astonishment at her curtness and lack of gratitude.

But then she took a deep breath and said, "I love you, only you, no one else, well, except my dad but that doesn't count… I'd love you even if you had chronic post nasal drip, or were covered in oozing sores, well, as long as they weren't too contagious, and even if you expelled gas all day. I want you to believe that. I will keep saying 'I love you' until you do believe it."

"I do believe you, I know you do," he replied while thinking, '_How gross, I don't suffer from any of those conditions_, w_here does she come up with that weird stuff?'_ "But I…" he was about to say that he was the one who should be saying all that but she cut him off again.

"Umino Iruka sensei, will you marry me?"

"What? You can't ask me that!" he said in surprise and embarrassment. His face turned its characteristics shade of red, which made him even cuter and more endearing.

"Is that a no?" Ayame asked with a mock frown.

"No… I mean yes… I mean I'm the one who has to ask!"

"Well, I'm waiting."

'Um…wouldn't it be better in a nicer environment?" Iruka hesitated. He had imagined lots of flowers (Ino would be ecstatic) and a romantic dinner at his place or an (not-too) expensive restaurant, not a dusty, moldy old shrine.

"No! Ask me now before you change your mind," she ordered in case he got cold feet or reverted back to his wishy washy self or fell for Kakashi again.

"Okay, right…" _'I can do this!'_ Iruka took a deep breath before saying, "Ayame-chan, I love you more than anyone or anything else in this entire world. I trust you completely and I swear I'll never doubt you again. Will you do me the great honor of becoming my… permanent partner in life and beyond?" _'There, I think that's a good non-sexist way to ask. Independent working women like Ayame should appreciate that.'_

"Permanent partner in life and beyond? If that means wife then it's a yes!" Ayame jumped into Iruka's arms and threw her arms around his neck. Luckily Iruka still had the strength and stamina to hold her up. She moved a hand to caress the scar across his nose, then rubbed his nose with hers while removing his forehead protector and hairband so that she could run her fingers through his hair, which unfortunately was quite dirty and sweaty by now, but a woman in love couldn't care less about such things. Her hands moved from his hair to hold his face still as she kissed his forehead, his scarred nose, and finally his lips.

-…-…-…-

"Don't you just love happy endings?" Kakashi asked his disciple. The two had been discretely watching through the window.

"Pathetic," muttered Sasuke, "they haven't even notice we're here. We could've just snuck up to them and slit both their throats."

Kakashi shook his head and sighed at his genin's lack of romance. He then pulled Sasuke away from the window as the couple was becoming a bit too intimate to be witnessed by a twelve year old.

-…-…-…-

Thus ends the romantic adventures of Ayame the ramen girl who finally found love with a shinobi, albeit not the one she originally wanted. But that's often what occurs in real life. Don't fall for fool's gold when a diamond in the rough is available or as Ayame's father would say: "Ordering plain ramen is better than the House Special or anything else because that way you don't have to wait, and you can add your own toppings and adjust it to your taste." Remember that true love can survive numerous obstacles and in the end is worth all the pain and suffering, or as Ayame's father would say, "A long lasting loving relationship is like making ramen from scratch. It's difficult and takes a lot of work, but the more effort you put into it the better it will be."

So the turbulent couple finally settled down to have 2.5 children, two of which became shinobi and 0.5 inherited the ramen stand. They lived a long and happy life with Kakashi and his team making occasional appearances to babysit.

-…-…THE END…-…-

_Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who's left a review. I personally feel this is my best story collection since it shows off my strengths - humor, keeping everyone in character, and developing a minor character into a major one. However, it's not as close to my heart as my Kakashi-Kunoichi series which is much more difficult to write._

_No further sequels planned at this time, but you never know. I'm starting a new story, untitled, about Kaori (the nurse)xKakashi. Let's face it, there's not enough non-yaoi Naruto stories starring the Konoha adults so I'm going to do my best to remedy that ;)_


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